Monday, August 26, 2013

Downtown Drunk

So I really feel like a fat-ass and a lush. Those of you who know me are either wondering, "Is he fishing for compliments?" or, "What survey in Wife's Us Weekly did you fail?"

First, what makes me think that I need to lose anything? My clothes and the scale. For the last few weeks, pants have been feeling a little tight. It reminded me of my friend who said that she and her freshman roommate blamed the laundry facility for shrinking their clothes until she went home for winter break and got a blunt earful from her mother. I couldn't blame the dryer because I hang all of my pants to dry. The evidence was more scientific: the scale at the gym said 213.

213! Holy shit!

Now, I'm 6'5" and that doesn't sound that bad, but that means that I've put on around 10 pounds over the summer. That's not fluctuation - that's fat.

The next evidence: my drinking tolerance.

It has been a fun summer. Lots of parties with lots of friends. One of my traits, however, is that I drink quickly. It doesn't matter if it's water, milk, beer, or bourbon. It all goes down fast. Then, I'm starting at 6 and drinking until midnight or later. Or, starting earlier. Let's take last Saturday, for example.

The Nelson Street Block Party. I am the Mayor of Nelson Street and have been organizing this thing since its inception and this is the third year. It started at 2. Maybe 2:30. That's when we got the keg of 312 that 1514 thought would be a good idea instead of a pony keg. I digress. So we start drinking at 2:30 and I probably had, conservatively, 2 drinks per hour for the first three hours. Then likely slowed to roughly one to one-and-a-half drinks per hour. Until midnight. That means that I can handle drinking 12-15 drinks. That is not necessarily a good thing.

So now we've got two problems. First, is that, calorically, Goose Island's "312" weighs in at 135 calories per 12-ounce beer. Times thirteen drinks, that's getting close to 2000 calories. Add in the junk food at these things (good junk food) and who knows how many calories. The second problem is that this is not the first night I have had such a bender in the last couple of months. That puts me into borderline alcoholic territory and that's not good.

There are a few kinds of alcoholics. I will reference two. There is the alcoholic who needs a couple of shots of Jack Daniel's in the morning to get going and supplements throughout the day. Then there is the binge drinking alcoholic who, when Friday night rolls around, has a hard time putting the glass down or turning drinks down.

The good news is, I don't tend to make a tremendous fool of myself (anymore.) The bad news is, that makes it easier to rationalize. Just having a good time!

So, the near-future plan is to not drink for a couple of weeks. There is no specific time-table, but just enough time to get my caloric intake in check and to get out of the habit of drinking heavily.

On the other side, my eating habits. In general, I am pretty healthy. However, I sometimes eat at night. Those extra 300-600 calories at night add up. Additionally, take note of my portions. Altogether, that should add up to a solid routine.

Finally, more exercise. With school starting today, I will be running a couple of miles per day and walking more. Hockey season starts soon and that can burn 900 calories in a game. Finally, I remember from Sophomore football that the coaches had us do 50-50-10 every day before practice: 50 push-ups, 50 sit-ups, 10 pull-ups. I can't do one pull-up, but I can get 50 push-ups and sit-ups throughout the course of the day and work up to getting them done at one time with rest.

Confronting the problem is the beginning. Stay tuned.

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