Mixed messages or mixed perspective?

Seething I would like to think more about is the difference in parenting styles that, like most couples, Wife and I have.

Sometimes I am concerned that the fact that we allow different things and are harsh about different things will confuse the kids and make them unsure about the "rules."

On the other hand, life is mixed messages. Police officers give warnings. Taxes have loopholes and exceptions. Different teachers expect different criteria for an "A" paper. Different managers have varying on the job expectations.

Kids adapt and learn. They know that one parent is more strict about certain things but allows others. They learn the patterns.

Divide and Conquer

JD ordered French toast and shared one of his two pieces with Bunny.

I asked Bunny, "Into how many pieces do you want  it cut?"

"10, please."

"Okay. How many cuts do I need to make?"

"5," came the reply. From JD.

Wife and I looked at each other in shock. "Well done, buddy! That's right!"

Kicked in the sweet spot

I don't like getting kicked in the balls. I mean it. Not one bit.

So you can imagine how displeased I was when Bunny squared me up this afternoon.

Here's the story. Bunny and I were inside a friend's house, dropping off Bunny's playmate when it was time to go.

She had gotten comfortable, as we stayed for about ten minutes before having to leave to get JD from school and immediately get to his OT appointment. I gave her all of the expectations I could: we're staying for five minutes. Two more minutes. Thirty seconds. Time to go! :)

Tantrum.

Instead of getting angry, I tried to empathize with her, so I picked her up. She willingly came up on me, but then amped up her frustration and started kicking.

BAM!

Then I became angry. No, I was fucking pissed. Them she became scared while still being upset about having to leave. So I had to tell her, in no uncertain terms, that it was time to leave.

There is a lot that I let go. No, that's not true. I have high expectations of my children. I do let plenty go, but, when it comes to manners and respecting elders, it is near zero-tolerance. Insubordination is dealt with harshly.

Another position might say, how can you expect your child or children to learn good manners when you are yelling at them?

That is a real dilemma. There are times when I am patient, even in those zero-tolerance situations. But when we are in moments of urgency - on our way to an appointment (we have many) - there may not be time for patience. While I am not punctual to a fault, I do respect others' time. And so I utilize the tricks of the trade to help the kids understand what is expected of them. Schedule, countdown, building in a reasonable amount of time for the unknown.

Then they do things to demonstrate that they don't care, that they are the selfish, egotistical creatures that is age-appropriate behavior (especially in our post-corporal punishment era.)

And it is those moments that I really, truly do not know what to do. I don't like to yell or intimidate. It feels awful.

And there is no resolution to this entry. I don't have any answers. I am doing my best, but is that good enough?

Leftovers

I saw chewed hamburger in the sink when I went to brush my teeth.

My guess is, one had some in his or her mouth when going to the bathroom to wash hands after dinner.