Politically Correct Reset Button

I have a theory about the politically correct speech movement? It's a reset button on culture and vernacular. Let me explain.

For hundreds of years, humans have stereotypically judged, segregated, and discriminated against people based on skin color, religion, nationality, gender, and more. Nigger, slut, pussy, fag, jew, jap, camel jockey and dot head are just a few words used to describe people. 

Perhaps we need new words, new stereotypes to exploit. Skin color? Are you still judging people by skin color? Gender? Seriously, get over it. 

What those who are enforcing politically correct speech are saying is this:

Your vocabulary is outdated. It doesn't fit anymore. So we're going to have to wipe the chalkboard, clean the slate. We need to find what else makes us wonderfully different and make words for that. The old system is rusty. 

While we often long for the past and view it with appreciation, we would not give up the technological progress we've made to go back. We're not at home spinning our own thread to make our own clothes. We're not churning our butter and milking our cows. So why would we not also take advantage of cultural and societal advances?

Oh, and for those of you who say that people shouldn't be so sensitive: when you're the butt of the joke, when those names carry the weight of slavery and violence against your family members, then you can be the one to say whether or not it's okay. If  you're white, you don't get to decide that calling blacks, "niggers," is just a joke, as it also conjures up memories of burning crosses and lynchings. If you're a man, when you call someone a bitch or a pussy, don't forget that those words imply that the person referenced is as weak as a woman or as mean as a woman. That the word, "fag," is a reference to wood so worthless it can be burned indiscriminately.

We are smart enough to learn how to make fun of ourselves with better technique. We should not stop laughing at our differences, but we should use our vocabulary with greater care. What is the point of having words if we don't agree on their meaning and origin? When we're all just talking jibberish.

Cousinly Love

Last night, we had one of my nephews overnight for the first time. The kids had a lot of fun playing in the afternoon and evening. They read until around 9:00pm, then it was time for lights out.

JD's bed is a twin-over-full bunk with a trundle, so all three were able to sleep in the room with Bunny on the trundle and nephew on top.

About 30 minutes later, I passed by the room and heard them goofing around. I told them it was time to go to sleep. Almost immediately, I started thinking about that.

This was nephew's first time sleeping over. It's winter break.

Yesterday, we were at a Chanukah party (yes, it ended on the 14th, but sometimes you just can't get everyone together.) It was at a family friend's house and I've known them most of my life so that we are more family than friends. So when an aunt heard that nephew was sleeping over, she reminisced about how she still remembers those times with her cousins so many years ago. That made me remember how I still have memories with my cousins, how those memories are the foundation for our relationships that are still strong today.

A little while later, I heard them again, telling Bunny to be quiet. Going into the room, I told them that, if they wanted to, they could lay in bed with the lights off and talk quietly with a brief explanation of how I still remembered these times from when I was a kid, blah blah blah. I figured they would talk for a while and then pass out.

This morning, Wife sent me a text saying that there were notes left outside our bedroom door and that the kids were up very late. I wondered how she knew that they were up late. It turns out that the notes have the time written on them.

11:21
Bunny is shuving her way through the top bunk.

11:23
Bunny took JD's pencil and is eating it and the eraser and is sticking it at our bodies.

11:25
Bunny is ripping papers and shredding them then throwing them at us.

11:56
Bunny is randomly ripping papers out for no reason. She is also taking all of the covers on the upper bunk.

12:05
Bunny ripped JD's dino mask and is pulling off the mattres cover to "fool" JD.

"'JD's room stinks.' - Written by Bunny" (no time indicated)

Dear Mom & Dad 12-27-15
Mom and just so you know that Bunny was making fun of me and Nephew and lighing [lying] about what she shows and being meen [mean] so would you be kind have a tock [talk] with her.
Senserly, [sincerely] JD (no time indicated)

Apparently, Bunny was being annoying. They're going to remember how much fun they had :)

Laundry Detergent Tip

I got annoyed with liquid laundry detergent collecting and drying in the bottom of the cup.

Solution: put a tiny bit of water into the cup before dispensing. Then, after adding the detergent to the load, put a little more in, swirl it, and add that in, too.

Viola, clean cup.

I do that with fabric softener, too. Especially in the dispenser of my front loading machine, it got really gross. I add in some water and it always comes clean. The machine uses water in the process, so it's not like I'm changing the composition of the fabric softener.

Does A Safer Society Begin with Good Halloween Manners?

There are a couple of things I want to address in this post. First, regarding manners and the absolute B.S. that I frequently hear that the world is worse than it used to be. That people are worse or behave worse. That things are more violent. That it’s more dangerous for kids. That there are worse people out there. The second is, in our current society, what is our role in guiding our youth toward the trend of greater tolerance, acceptance, and safety?

First of all, do people know so little about history?
When was it better?

The Rwandan genocide?

The crack cocaine era?

The riots between police and gays in San Francisco?

The Cold War Era?

McCarthyism?

Jim Crowe Laws?

Signs that said, No Dogs, Jews or Blacks?

Apartheid?

The Holocaust?

The people who allowed their neighbors to be rounded up on to trains and shipped to concentration camps?

The treaties that Great Britain and France made with Middle Eastern Islamic tribes for the same land so those tribes would help in WWI, never mind that those people were all promised the same land but had such diametrically opposed religious views that they would never be able to live together in harmony?

Lack of universal suffrage?

Slavery?

The genocide of the native tribes of the land we now call the Americas?

Mob justice of the “Old West?”

Salem witch trials?

Okay, so I could, literally, go on and on. 

NO, THE WORLD WAS NEVER SAFER. NEVER. EVER.

Perhaps, when those who criticize today's society and today's youth look back in their lives, they see a community that had little crime, violence, and social injustice. Now, they turn on the news and see hazing, teens shooting teens in school, gang-bangers killing cops, beheadings, terrorist attacks, and abductions. That's not the world I lived in! We had more respect!

Are you sure that you, or people you knew, didn't disrespect elders, haze youngsters, abuse property, or participate in some type of unfounded discrimination? It happened and happens. Even with people who are otherwise and typically "good." Whether they're kids or adults, humans sometimes behave in ways that make others wonder if certain actions and behaviors are representative of a community or society, rather than the acts of individuals that do not represent the local or generational culture.

Despite what we see on TV and in the news, studies show a couple of things. First, that the world is generally a safer place. Second, that today's youth is more tolerant and accepting of others than their forefathers. Those things are to be celebrated. Way to go, society! We aren't perfect, but we must be doing something right. As parents, teachers, and general members of society, I hope that we continue on this path toward an expectation of a safe society.

On our path, we see things that do make us think about society and behavior. Something I observed this Halloween has made me think about kids and and how we parent them.

In some of the city neighborhoods near our house, there are so many kids out in costume on the quest for candy that there is no point in someone closing their front door - there is literally a line of kids coming and going from house to house and the line is continuously replenished with royalty and superheroes. Household representatives stand outside front doors or front gates with a bowl, allowing kids to take candy. Parents of trick-or-treaters walk along to ensure every one's safety. It's a nice system.

While out trick-or-treating with my kids, I noticed that some kids were dashing from house to house, running up to the door where someone was holding a basket of candy, grab their share - or much more - and run. No, “trick-or-treat,” no, “thank you.” Now we ask ourselves, is this a time to teach please and thank you? Or is the behavior innocent enough to ignore? When I saw JD do that, I stopped him, reminded him how I expect him to behave while trick-or-treating, then let him continue. While he probably demonstrated these manners at some houses, he may have gotten caught up in the rush and energy of the night at other houses.

Being kids, thinking about the big picture is not always part of their process. They do not see that people have taken the time to decorate their houses, to buy candy, to spend their evening standing there to provide a nice experience. The kids have come to expect it because it's all they know. It is the world we have provided for them.

And thank goodness we are in a world where it's safe enough to have such a holiday!

In the mad dash of life, what is our role as parents? Are we to hover over them, listening to every word they utter, micromanaging their actions and behavior? On the other side, do we let them go and allow them to behave as they may, allowing trial-and-error and general life experience to guide them? They take the lessons they've been taught by family, education, and community with them and figure it out.

That is where I get stuck. Are children flawed individuals who need to be molded? Are children a blank slate (the "tabula rasa" theory)? Or are they young people who are going to make mistakes on their road toward adulthood? Which way will help us continue the trend toward a safer society? Do we need to "helicopter" over our kids, or is it better to give them, "free range?"

Here’s a perspective from the other side of the candy basket. A friend of mine lives on a block that is very popular for trick-or-treating - literally hundreds of kids walk through a single block stretch every October 31st. He said that he asked kids to only take two pieces. After many kids disregarded him (hey, if the boy in front of me took a handful then it must be okay) he’d had enough and supplies were running low. He told the next kid to only take one. The kid went to take a handful and my friend took the boy's wrist, said, “No, just one.” The dad with the kid apparently gave my friend a look like my friend did something wrong. The social contract was broken. The kids were not respecting the adult and the adult was overreaching his boundary.

Here’s a second perspective. While we went out trick-or-treating, put candy in a big bowl with the note, “Take 2, please.” Wife witnessed a couple of kids loading their bags with the candy. Again, the social contract was broken.

Or, maybe I should loosen up. It's just candy, it's just kids, and if a kid comes and dumps the bowl of candy into his or her bag, that doesn't mean that the kid is "bad" or "inconsiderate." It means that, in that moment, in that situation, the kid took advantage of a situation.

We struggle to find balance. Rarely does society behave in black-and-white fashion. We try to find the place that makes sense, a place that is not just manageable, but that enables us to instill the values most important to us. For some, it may be saying, "Please" and "Thank you." Others may be more militant about other things like acceptance and tolerance. Please and thank you are important, but nothing to dedicate to an entire blog post.

My point in all of this ranting is that, as a parent, I am going to do my best to instill the values in my children that I would like to see them demonstrate. To look at people without prejudice, to be courteous for even the smallest gesture, and to forgive those who make mistakes, because we all have faults but, usually, we have many more qualities to celebrate. 

So when we see the news, we hope that we are in our safer place. We hope that we are doing things worthy of celebration, though we will occasionally do something worthy of scolding or punishment. Even further - we will do things that require others to simply move on with their own life because of the insignificance of the action or behavior. Who enjoys being micromanaged?

This is revisionist history. As I sit here, I am rewriting a previous post. I am rewriting it because it called the wrong things into question. The post was supposed to be about how the world is not worse than it has ever been, that we see things that we don't like and try to correct them to continue a trend toward a more harmonious society.

I believe that the world is a better place than it has ever been, though there are many who suffer every day. Americans have less violence to deal with than most societies in world history. We should be grateful and continue our pursuit of happiness, both for ourselves but for our communities.

So, to all of those parents who walked with their kids and supervised and ensured every one's safety, thank you. You did it for yours and you did it for mine. If it's not too much to ask, I believe that teaching sincere graciousness would go a long way toward a harmonious society. We should show appreciation for generosity. Your kids are probably awesome and will continue to be so. Children, please say please and thank you next time; show your community just how awesome and candy-deserving you are. I know you can do it. It will make Halloween great for years to come.