I was listening to WGN 720 AM yesterday and they were discussing a recent criminal case wherein a woman was arrested for sending her two kids to a school in the district in which her father lives, but she and her children do not. While I have not fully read the charges, I gathered from the report, discussion, and callers that Kelly Williams-Bolar was not arrested out of the blue, but after repeatedly lying about her residency and even having her father file false documents with the courts.
People want to be able to send their kids to the best schools, or the schools of their choice. We all understand that. Unfortunately, the world, whether you live in a capitalist, democratic, autocratic, socialist, or other social order, does not have equality in education. It is not possible. There are going to be geographic locations that attract better teachers and better students.
I went to Deerfield high school in Deerfield, IL. We had three things going for us. First, the money to pay for the best teachers. Second, parent involvement. Third, kids who came from homes who expected their kids to go to college, meaning expecting them to do their schoolwork, show up to school, etc. (Not that the kids were angels, by any means.) What parent wouldn't want their child in that environment?
For sure, there are plenty of grandparents living in district.That does not mean that their grandchildren should be allowed access to the schools. Why stop there? What about aunts and uncles? Cousins? Second cousins twice removed?
Okay, so I'm getting silly. But there has to be a line that cannot be crossed and that line is defined by the parents living within the district. If people want their kids to go to the school of their choice, they can apply and pay as if they were in private school.
If you want your kids in better schools, then MOVE THERE. Or pay non-resident tuition. Period. If you can't afford it, then take extra time yourself to give them extra lessons. Public libraries have plenty of resources. There are a number of free online educational tools.
Could she afford to live in the district? Probably. In the type of accommodation that she would like? Maybe not. But life is full of opportunity and opportunity cost. Want your kids to go to Deerfield schools but your family makes $50,000? Or less? You'll probably have to rent a tiny apartment. Guess what? People do it. But what are they willing to sacrifice to get more out of life?
Teaching children to take illegal shortcuts will only create adults with a lack of ethical character. For sure, that was not what Kelly Williams-Bolar was trying to accomplish. But when her kids are faced with a major dilemma, will they make the ethical decision?
Perhaps we often forget what our family went through to allow us to live where we do - in the United States. My Grandfather came from Eastern Europe around 1910 in the hull of a steam ship, slept in haylofts, and hauled coal and ice while going to night school. All so that his kids could get a proper education in a safer place. And my parents for sacrificing all of their time and savings to buy a house they could barely afford so that we could go to the very best schools. Black? Asian? European? Protestant? Catholic? Jewish? Muslim? It doesn't matter. That's how we all came to be here - because it sucked back there. Those people had dreams of a better life. Well here it is. Do something with it.
Quit making excuses for people who aren't willing to do what it takes to make their dreams come true. I have greater goals than I have focus. But I don't whine about what I don't have, what I haven't accomplished. I don't have those things because I haven't made the sacrifices necessary to bring them to life.
There are people out there who believe that the people making the most money have been handed something for free. I beg to differ. While there are a handful of trust-fund babies out there, by and large the most that higher income earners have been handed was opportunity. Instead of doing drugs and screwing around during high school and college, they were doing their homework, getting As and Bs, then going to graduate law or medical school, racking up tens or even hundreds of thousands of dollars in educational debt. It is up to most people in this world to make the most of their situation. Instead, many wish their situation was something else instead of maximizing the resources within reach.
I'm not trying to point a finger or blame anyone. I'm trying to encourage individual responsibility. Take responsibility for what you have and where you want to be. There are no golden tickets. The lottery is not going to be the answer. Making unethical decisions to provide for children will bear lessons in illicit behavior. Stress education. Stress ethics. Expect effort. Expect excellence. Don't settle.
A friend of mine once defined luck as the time when preparation meets opportunity. That's the best thing you can do for your children: prepare them to take advantage of the opportunities that await them.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Vote, Please!
http://wehearyouamerica.readersdigest.com/town.jsp?town=GRAND%20MARAIS&state=MI
Please vote for Grand Marais, MI. If you can do so everyday, it would be a huge huge favor to my friends (many of whom I consider family) and to me. Their project not only supports the livelihood of this small, Upper Peninsula town, but also supports safety for boaters (both individuals and commercial liners) as a safe port from the well-known treacherous storms of Lake Superior. Thanks again.
Please vote for Grand Marais, MI. If you can do so everyday, it would be a huge huge favor to my friends (many of whom I consider family) and to me. Their project not only supports the livelihood of this small, Upper Peninsula town, but also supports safety for boaters (both individuals and commercial liners) as a safe port from the well-known treacherous storms of Lake Superior. Thanks again.
Try It
Toodles was sitting in the middle of the carpeted basement floor with a few little animal action figures arranged in front of her. She was holding a miniature soda bottle from a kitchen play set. Holding the mouth of the bottle to each animal's lips she said, "Try it."
Earlier this morning, I made and served pancakes to the kids. Toodles noticed that I was dipping mine in syrup, so she pointed and said, "Sauce." I put a dot of syrup on her tray and said, "Dip your pancake in the syrup." She declined. So I took the pancake in her hand, dipped it in the syrup and, against her will - trying to twist and turn away from me, touched the syrup to her lips. She licked a couple of times, opened her eyes, smiled, and went to town on pancakes and syrup, her new-found joy.
Earlier this morning, I made and served pancakes to the kids. Toodles noticed that I was dipping mine in syrup, so she pointed and said, "Sauce." I put a dot of syrup on her tray and said, "Dip your pancake in the syrup." She declined. So I took the pancake in her hand, dipped it in the syrup and, against her will - trying to twist and turn away from me, touched the syrup to her lips. She licked a couple of times, opened her eyes, smiled, and went to town on pancakes and syrup, her new-found joy.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Babysitting Blues
Of the skills that I possess, coordination and scheduling are not my strongest. I'm an idea man, not a detail person.
So when I set up a 'happy hour' at our house for my neighbors and their kids, then had a bright last-minute idea to hire a babysitter to watch the kids, I didn't realize I was setting myself up for disaster.
Happy Hour was great. Some disorganization, but overall a success. The problem was with the sitter.
Not that there was a problem with her job performance, specifically, but in the communication for compensating her.
Originally, I figured that she would work from 5:30 until 8 or 9, the typical time for kids to go to bed. 10 at the latest. I offered her $5 flat rate per kid, expecting up to 12 kids, or $60. Her usual rate for us is $10 per hour.
After helping to finish a couple bottles of wine, my judgment was not as strong as it usually would be and some kids were up later than usual and suddenly it was 11. I figured I would give her an extra $20 for the extra time, making $80.
The next day I sent her a text message thanking her and hoping that the extra $20 was a reasonable addition to agreed upon rate. It wasn't.
She thought that the rate was $5 per hour per kid, which could have added up to around $300. When I handed her $80, she was more than disappointed (I could practically feel her shaking with anger and tears through the response text message.) When I read that she was expecting to make $300, I was shocked.
Here's what went wrong. The job was set up via text message. Once she agreed, or at least said that she was available for the job, I should have called her to create a plan. First of all, we would have found that the rate was not acceptable to her right away and could have negotiated a fair price. Second, we could have gone over what was expected.
Our contentions: she did not sit for every child who showed up. There were two or three kids around one year old who were with their parents the whole time, not under her supervision. She should not be compensated for that. Next, not all of the kids were there at the same time. They arrived and left at widely varying times. Based on when the kids under her supervision came and left, if her rate was $5 per kid per hour, it would have added up to $175. To respond to her point that she watched the kids so that we could have adult time, it was not as if the babysitter handled the kids 100% once under her care. The parents fed the kids, dealt with the occasional problem, and I changed Toodles's diaper and put her to bed when it was time.
Expecting one sitter to handle 12 kids ages 2 - 9 years old (or even the 8 that was the max at once) would be unreasonable, another reason why getting the full rate would not be what I consider equitable compensation. When we pay her $10 per hour, or $5 per child, we leave the house and she has 100% responsibility for them. If we had left her with all of the kids, then such compensation would have been warranted. In this case, her responsibility was supervising the kids who were in the basement, most of which involved watching Toy Story 2.
To circle back, all of this would have been avoided if I had called her and discussed, to some detail, about what she should expect her responsibilities to be. She would have known that there would be a great deal of parent involvement. Other problems would have been avoided if I would have dismissed her at 10 or earlier. Finally, having her so late, I probably should have given her more like $100.
So she's feeling taken and embarrassed that she misread my compensation offer (which read, "flat rate of $5 per kid") and I'm feeling bad that she's so upset and that I probably shorted her.
While I wouldn't say that she's the world's most amazing babysitter, doing balloon animals and art projects, in the couple of times that we've used her, she's punctual and the kids are comfortable with her. Frankly, for $10 per hour (a low rate around here,) that's as much as we should expect. As one of the parents at the party pointed out today, for $300 we could have hired a professional kid party person, like a musician, balloon artist, or the like. (And she also said that, for $300, she would have gladly undertaken the responsibility.)
So I'm going to talk to her tomorrow and see if I can't make the situation better by offering her another $40 to make $120 for the night. The plan is to help her see the gross exaggeration of her math, but not make it her fault. I will also help her understand the difference in expectations when she's getting her full rate ($5 per kid per hour) versus a rate in this type of circumstance. And finally I'll make the suggestion that we have voice confirmation (i.e. a phone conversation) of any job set up via text or email.
Ugh. And I thought my hangover sucked.
So when I set up a 'happy hour' at our house for my neighbors and their kids, then had a bright last-minute idea to hire a babysitter to watch the kids, I didn't realize I was setting myself up for disaster.
Happy Hour was great. Some disorganization, but overall a success. The problem was with the sitter.
Not that there was a problem with her job performance, specifically, but in the communication for compensating her.
Originally, I figured that she would work from 5:30 until 8 or 9, the typical time for kids to go to bed. 10 at the latest. I offered her $5 flat rate per kid, expecting up to 12 kids, or $60. Her usual rate for us is $10 per hour.
After helping to finish a couple bottles of wine, my judgment was not as strong as it usually would be and some kids were up later than usual and suddenly it was 11. I figured I would give her an extra $20 for the extra time, making $80.
The next day I sent her a text message thanking her and hoping that the extra $20 was a reasonable addition to agreed upon rate. It wasn't.
She thought that the rate was $5 per hour per kid, which could have added up to around $300. When I handed her $80, she was more than disappointed (I could practically feel her shaking with anger and tears through the response text message.) When I read that she was expecting to make $300, I was shocked.
Here's what went wrong. The job was set up via text message. Once she agreed, or at least said that she was available for the job, I should have called her to create a plan. First of all, we would have found that the rate was not acceptable to her right away and could have negotiated a fair price. Second, we could have gone over what was expected.
Our contentions: she did not sit for every child who showed up. There were two or three kids around one year old who were with their parents the whole time, not under her supervision. She should not be compensated for that. Next, not all of the kids were there at the same time. They arrived and left at widely varying times. Based on when the kids under her supervision came and left, if her rate was $5 per kid per hour, it would have added up to $175. To respond to her point that she watched the kids so that we could have adult time, it was not as if the babysitter handled the kids 100% once under her care. The parents fed the kids, dealt with the occasional problem, and I changed Toodles's diaper and put her to bed when it was time.
Expecting one sitter to handle 12 kids ages 2 - 9 years old (or even the 8 that was the max at once) would be unreasonable, another reason why getting the full rate would not be what I consider equitable compensation. When we pay her $10 per hour, or $5 per child, we leave the house and she has 100% responsibility for them. If we had left her with all of the kids, then such compensation would have been warranted. In this case, her responsibility was supervising the kids who were in the basement, most of which involved watching Toy Story 2.
To circle back, all of this would have been avoided if I had called her and discussed, to some detail, about what she should expect her responsibilities to be. She would have known that there would be a great deal of parent involvement. Other problems would have been avoided if I would have dismissed her at 10 or earlier. Finally, having her so late, I probably should have given her more like $100.
So she's feeling taken and embarrassed that she misread my compensation offer (which read, "flat rate of $5 per kid") and I'm feeling bad that she's so upset and that I probably shorted her.
While I wouldn't say that she's the world's most amazing babysitter, doing balloon animals and art projects, in the couple of times that we've used her, she's punctual and the kids are comfortable with her. Frankly, for $10 per hour (a low rate around here,) that's as much as we should expect. As one of the parents at the party pointed out today, for $300 we could have hired a professional kid party person, like a musician, balloon artist, or the like. (And she also said that, for $300, she would have gladly undertaken the responsibility.)
So I'm going to talk to her tomorrow and see if I can't make the situation better by offering her another $40 to make $120 for the night. The plan is to help her see the gross exaggeration of her math, but not make it her fault. I will also help her understand the difference in expectations when she's getting her full rate ($5 per kid per hour) versus a rate in this type of circumstance. And finally I'll make the suggestion that we have voice confirmation (i.e. a phone conversation) of any job set up via text or email.
Ugh. And I thought my hangover sucked.
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