Downtown Dad

Vernacular

2012-01-26T12:23:00.001-08:00

My 32-month-old daughter is calling me, "Dude."

Good Start = Good Day

2012-01-23T21:43:00.000-08:00

Today was a good parent day for me.

I hope that my best parent days are not when both the kids are in school.

What made it a good day?
-Maintained patience
-Use positive motivational tools and positive reinforcement consistently
-Managed time well
-Did some homemaking, some parenting, some stuff for me, some stuff for Wife

More specifically:

Started the day having woken up before the kids. That seems to make a huge difference consistently. There really is something that makes me . . . resentful when they wake me up. And it's not like they wake up particularly early - early for them is 6:30 while normal is more like 7:00, sometimes as late as 7:30, though that is rare. Bunny tends to wake up earlier than JD and will wake him up.

JD's 5th birthday was on the 12th. Included in his gifts from his (yikes) four parties were some math flash cards. So I busted them out and, using the wall calendar, did some simple addition.

I had laundry, phone calls and errands. Did everything get done? No. Does it ever? Rarely. Did the essentials get accomplished. Yes.

And that's where I struggle. Getting those one or two essentials done because I was focused on something that could have been accomplished at another time.

It's 11:42 PM! I have to go to sleep so I can get up before the kids and have another great start to the day.

Tomato Sauce

2012-01-19T20:00:00.000-08:00

Came out pretty good. This was adjusted from how I actually made it.

2T olive oil
1c onion, finely chopped*
1/2c carrot, celery finely chopped*
2 garlic cloves, finely chopped
1t italian seasoning
1/8t red pepper flakes (optional. the more, the more kick. 1/4t was used tonight and it was a bit more heat than I'd intended)
28oz can whole tomatoes
2T red wine
2t sugar
1/4c finely chopped parsley
kosher salt, divided
black pepper

*the veggies need to be chopped fine enough to fit through the openings of the immersion blender. If you're using a traditional blender or food mill it's probably not such a big deal

Heat olive oil in pot / pan over medium heat until drops of water fizz, not crackle and pop.
Add onion, carrot, celery, large pinch salt (appx 1/4t). Stir regularly. You do not want the onions to scorch. This is important. Continue 5-8 minutes until veggies are soft but not brown.
Add Italian Seasoning, red pepper flakes, garlic & stir regularly for 1 minute. You will notice the fragrance of the herbs lose its sharpness while that of the garlic becomes more noticeable.
Add tomatoes, bring to a simmer (you can turn up the heat to save a few minutes, but remember that, in general, the higher the heat, the closer attention the food requires.)
Turn heat to med-low, add Red Wine and sugar and continue to simmer. Stir occasionally with a wooden spoon, mashing the tomatoes against the side of the pot. As the sauce simmers, the tomatoes will mash more easily.
Total simmer time 15-20 minutes. That is when the tomatoes have broken down about as much as you can do and the sauce has reduced a bit.
Add parsley, blend with immersion blender.
Taste sauce. Add salt, black pepper, and sugar to taste. (What does to taste mean? It means until you can taste salt. Just kidding. Salt is not there so that you taste salt. Salt brings out flavors. As you add a little more, it will bring out the flavors. Just don't overdo it. A maximum of 1t total, but many people would be happy with 1/2t.)
Simmer 5 minutes, serve or store.

Served tonight with penne & meatballs with steamed broccoli and baguette. Yummy.

List of Awesome

2012-01-18T21:10:00.000-08:00

The awesome things that happened today:
I ran 3.5 miles in 31 minutes in 20 degree weather.
Bunny and I shared a glass of chocolate milk. She absolutely loves chocolate milk and so do I. We are both big chocolate lovers, in general.
Instead of serving veggies on the kids' plates with the rest of their dinner where they could easily be ignored, I had them come to the table and handed them plates with nothing but a carrot each. That and the promise that their pizza (split 1/2 slice from a large pizza) and hot dog (uncured chicken dog from Trader Joe's) would be ready soon. Worked like a charm.
Remembered to pick up dry cleaning so that Wife would have a clean suit for her big deposition tomorrow.
Bunny pooped in the bathtub and I did not get arrested for toddlercide. Instead, I got the kids out of the bath and into the shower, gave her a good dressing-down, and sent her to bed with no story. Don't worry, she probably read or was read to 5-10 times today.
JD and I played some crazy game with cut-outs from paper plates I had intended for use in obstacle courses while watching the Blackhawks spank the Buffalo Sabres.
Kept my schedule.

Focus on the positive and the negative suddenly looks as insignificant and powerless as it really was.

One Gift of Maturity

2012-01-08T20:16:00.000-08:00

This past Saturday morning, Wife and I got out of bed at 10:15 AM. This is highly unusual. After all, we have a 4-year-old boy and a 2-year-old girl. They certainly didn't sleep until 10:15.

A few weeks ago, Wife and I were in bed. The night before, I had a hockey game that started at 11:10 PM, so I didn't get to bed until 2 AM. So on Sunday morning, the kids woke up around 7 AM. That's pretty normal for them (yes, we're pretty lucky in that respect.) I was not prepared for them to crawl around our bed and bicker in our room while we clamored for a few extra minutes rest. So I said, "Hey guys, go play with your toys downstairs."

This had not occurred to either of us, but it resounded with them, as if I gave them permission to do something they'd longed to do for some time.

So that's what we do. They come to our room and I tell them to go downstairs. (My side of the bed is next to the door.) Usually by 8 AM one or both of us are ready to get up and deal with them. Or one or both of them will come up and demand sustenance. The nerve.

While this is newfound glory, there is always the flip-side. Getting up late means getting up late. That means breakfast at 9, start to get groomed and dressed around 10 and not ready to do anything out of the house until 11.

That's a dramatic departure for a family who, just a few months ago, would be waiting for Toast Lincoln Park to open at 8 AM on Saturday or Sunday morning. Up by 7, out the door by 7:40 or 7:45. (After all, there's a wait to sit down by 8:15 or 8:30.) Then we'd be home by 9:30 and starting chores, planning our shopping trips, or simply playing with toys.

Like all new changes, this will take some adjustment. It will be tempting to take advantage, but the reality is that time during a weekend is precious and, while some mornings require additional rest, most will require the full duration of the day.

The best part, really, is that the kids are able to go and play independently and, in general, without killing one another or themselves. One of the best things about having siblings is that, in the event that they play nicely together, it is among the most satisfying feelings I have experienced as a parent.

Of course, when they bicker and fight, it creates some of the most enraged feelings I have experienced as a parent. But that's all part of the fun, isn't it?

The Fights Not Worth Fighting

2012-01-05T17:01:00.001-08:00

I am not going to stop Bunny from dipping tortilla chips into her water, then eating the chips, then drinking the water.

Aside from the inherent disgustingness of it, there is nothing dirty about it. Carry on, my terrible 2-year-old. Experiment away.

Time Management update

2012-01-05T07:53:00.000-08:00

This is an update from the "Email Backup . . ." entry from yesterday, 1/4/12.

How'd it go? There were a few things that I didn't get to, but overall, a success. There were some things that I couldn't foresee.

First, the UPS store entry. I was helping a friend who took her family to San Diego for a month. They forgot one piece of luggage that had some important items. In trying to find the best way to ship the bag, I tried to call the UPS store before going there (you know, from the old Illinois Bell commercials, "Phone First.") Though it was during business hours, they didn't pick up in several phone calls spanning about an hour. That threw off my cooking timing and time to spend with JD. C'est la vie.

Bunny was being "extra special" yesterday. Highly volatile. Well, even more so than usual. After returning home from preschool, it was a battle. Sitting down to play a game probably would have been the best thing to do, but I had to tend to the Chipotle Chicken Chowder on the stove. Then she pooped in her diaper just before we were scheduled to leave. That was my fault - not making time to put her on the toilet in plenty of time before we left the house.

And that's the thing that I see is a problem with having a tightly wound schedule like this. It sets time limits rather than priorities.

Oh, and it took a long long time to construct that schedule.

Perhaps I can set blocks of time in which I can accomplish like items. For example, I probably could have started JD on a table time activity together with tasks he could do on his own while I did various steps of the recipe. Instead of setting a time for Jewel, USPS, dry cleaners, and UPS store, I should have done them all after showering, as they are all within a square block of one another.

Thanks, Ed, for giving me some software tips. I fell asleep during TV time with Wife, but will peruse them tomorrow night. Of course, I did make time for some guitar. Working on Johnny Cash's Folsom Prison Blues and Turkey in the Straw. Probably should work on some more relevant songs than Turkey in the Straw, though. :-)

Tonight is stir fry night with brown rice, an 8:00pm haircut, then a 9:40pm hockey game.

2012-01-04T15:08:00.001-08:00

For blogging purposes, I will call Bunny's preschool teacher Ms. Polar Bear because Bunny is in the "Polar Bear Room."

While picking Bunny up today, Ms. Polar Bear recalled this story from earlier in the day.

Ms. Polar Bear said that she was working with Bunny about being a good listener and taught Bunny about "listening ears."

In talking about being a good listener, Bunny (who will be 3 in May), said, "Please don't tell Daddy."

I like a little fear in my kids. It means I'm doing my job, not being their friend. And her exclamations of, "Daddy!" when I pick her up from preschool show me that she loves me. I'll be her friend when she's graduated from college.

Finger lickin' good

2012-01-04T09:25:00.001-08:00

JD: Dad, what are you eating?
Me: pirate booty and a sandwich
JD: you like pirate booty?
Me: I do. It's yummy.
JD: (between licks of his hands) my hands are yummy, too!

Ever had Pirate's Booty? Good stuff. Slightly less bad-for-you than cheetos, possibly more addictive.

Email Backup Is A Reflection Of A Larger Problem

2012-01-03T21:16:00.000-08:00

75 emails. That's how many emails I have in my inbox that have "unread" priority. That's 75 individual items that I have putt off until later.

The reality, is that that number is hardly the only place in my life where I have projects hanging in the balance.

Too much aspiration, too little focus, or poor time management?

Choosing between those is like deciding whether to call a penalty for high sticking or cross checking when a hockey player gets a cross-checked to his head.

Rather than focusing on how to dissect the problem, I am moving forward with an attempt at a solution.

Trying to block off every minute of every day on my Google calendar. I have an Android-based phone, so my calendar is always with me, can send me reminders, can be shared with others, and can be updated anywhere.

Make time to clear off my desk. You know what, wait here while I put that into my calendar . . .

I'm back. Yes, I stopped writing my entry to input "Clear off basement desk". This Saturday at 9am. What's more, I sent the "event" to Wife so to avoid the scenario where, come Saturday, I haven't told her about this grand plan.

And that's what I need to do, but for everything. In fact, I'm going to design my day tomorrow:

6:30am wake up, put on weather, get dressed for morning run to school
6:50am go downstairs and get breakfast ready for kids, wash face, put in contacts
7:15am wake kids if they haven't woken already
7:16am Bunny (formerly Toodles) on the potty immediately, send JD downstairs to get dressed
7:17am fight with JD who wants to play with his 'guys' and not get dressed
7:18am read "Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What do you see?" to Bunny
7:25am get Bunny dressed, hope that JD isn't just staring at his plate but is actually eating.
7:40am walk out the door with dry cleaning bag & checkbook & mail
8:00am arrive at Bunny's preschool
8:30am USPS
8:35am Jewel
8:50am dry cleaners
9:00am stretch
9:10am shave, shower, dress
9:40am UPS store
10:00am make chipotle chicken chowder with JD
11:00am table time with JD
11:15am pretend play with JD
11:45am prepare lunch
12:00pm serve lunch
12:30pm leave to pick up Bunny
1:00pm back home
1:10pm exercise with kids (wii fit / just dance?)
1:40pm get kids out the door for JD Tx session
2:00pm go to park for 20 minutes
2:28pm arrive for Tx appt
2:30pm - 3:30pm JD Tx appt
2:35pm go grocery shopping with Bunny
3:00pm play in Tx center lobby / waiting area
4:00pm arrive home
4:05pm TV time for kids; get dinner ready
4:45pm play with kids (matching game?)
5:30pm Mommy comes home
5:45pm dinner
6:15pm clear dinner; Bunny & JD to bath
7:00pm pajama time; help Bunny get dressed herself
7:15pm story time
7:35pm kids to bed, take out contacts, wash face, brush teeth
7:45pm put laundry away while watching TV
7:55pm watch TV with Wife
9:00pm write blog entry
10:00pm play guitar
11:00pm go to bed

And there's so much more that could go in there.

Some people would look at that and see the lack of time for incidentals / what-ifs. I am the kind of person who isn't afraid to change the schedule. It's making the schedule and prioritizing things that's the important part. If I actually look at this tomorrow, it's more like a grocery list that's written with intricate knowledge of the store. There's always a chance that an unexpected sale will pull me away, but I'll still get everything on the list. And if the kids don't get as much TV time or we have to make park time the exercise time, that's okay.

Will follow up with my progress.

Hide and seek

2011-10-22T09:50:00.001-07:00

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. On your mark, here I come!
-JD

Hole in One

2011-10-10T07:56:00.001-07:00

So I'm at harborside international golg course in chicago with JD. We started on the driving range and have moved on to the putting green.

After a few minutes, he came to me and said, "look, Dad, the squares are missing."

What the hell are you talking about, I wondered. Then I realized what he was referencing.

"Buddy, the squares are only in the video game."

When we play Wii golf, there are squares that demonstrate the topography of the putting green to help aim and measure the speed of the putt.

Employees, Get Your Act Together

2011-09-27T22:44:00.000-07:00

I am really tired of shitty service. With so many people out of work one would think that employees with jobs would be trying really hard to keep their jobs.

This has not been my experience lately. Two recent experiences demonstrate, but are not the limitation, of my viewpoint.

Last Sunday at the Chili's downtown Chicago, two kids meals, a soup and salad, and a pasta dish took twenty minutes to deliver. The restaurant was at least 50% full but not more than 75%. About fifteen minutes after placing our order, I started looking for our waiter. We hadn't seen him in some time, possibly since placing the order. Finally, I stood up and walked to the kitchen where I spied him carrying a tray holding our meal. The pasta and soup were lukewarm and the kids meals had obviously been sitting under the warmer. Seriously, dummy, just come and tell us that you screwed up and ask if you should bring the kids' meals out, the soup out, or something to keep my kids from acting toward the wrong side of their age behavior spectrum. We did not bother complaining. If you've been to a restaurant with small children, you know what a ticking time bomb each experience can be, just waiting for one to be done and demonstratively ready to leave. If you're wondering where the manager was during all of this, don't worry, so was I. I took the time to fill out the online survey to slam my experience.

Then there's Jewel on Ashland Ave. Many times when I'm checking out, the checkers are talking across the lines to one another. That's terribly unprofessional. One woman, in particular, always stands out. She never appears to be happy and is frequently heard gossiping about life or moaning about work. I don't want to hear it. It's uncomfortable as a customer to listen to all of this. She was checking my order and whining about her crappy life to her co-workers. Seriously, I know you have problems lady, but I don't want to hear about them while you're on the job and I'm making a purchase. After weighing the pros and cons, I called the manager after leaving the store and mentioned this behavior with the caveat that she's probably a good person, but that this was not the first time I'd heard her and, if I'm the manager, I want to hear about it. Call me a tattle tale, that is, unless you're a shareholder.

If I am ever again a manager, one of the first things that I will tell my crew regards professional conduct. First and foremost, when you are at work, you are not you, the individual. You are the company. And unless you are truly a specialist in your field, you are probably replaceable.

That is not to say that these are bad jobs or that the people doing them lack intelligence or creativity. There are many great employees who take their jobs seriously and make the customer's experience positive while taking care of routine upkeep.

The employees who are not doing so should be made to know that they are replaceable, that training a new person is far less expensive than having a cancer on the floor. A neutral customer experience can bring a customer back. A positive one and she'll send another customer. A bad experience will keep that customer, her family, and her friends from coming back.

And yet so many - the vast, yet visible and audible, minority - do not take the customer experience seriously and say things like, "I just work here." They stare at the clock waiting to punch it instead of finding ways to make the company better and be better at their jobs.

The cynic says, That's why these people have these jobs - they are not motivated individuals. I believe people have great capacity if only they give themselves the proper motivation. It's maintaining your job motivation enough?

Midnight Switcheroo

2011-09-23T23:54:00.001-07:00

I was going to bed tonight around 130am when I went in the kids' room to check up on them.

Something looked strange. Toodles's blanket was bunched up from the top. I couldn't see her head. Into what kind of contortion has she arranged herself? So I checked under the blanket. Nothing.

Where was she? I looked up, or rather, forward.

There she was, curled up on JD's bed.

I found a suitable blanket and tucked her in. If it wouldn't have been totally disturbing, the camera would have been clicking.

Gosh they're amazing when they're sleeping.

Best Friends

2011-09-23T19:44:00.001-07:00

There isn't much better than having your best friends call you up on a lonely Friday night and telling you the're picking up a 12-pack and coming over.

J Chales and J Philip were at the Blackhawks game. I was going to go out tonight, but with Toodles having a cold, I canceled the sitter and took them to the st alphonsus oktoberfest then home to read a story.

There I was, watching The Big C (a terrific show) when J Charles called me and asked what I was doing, then said he and J Philip were going to stop off at his house to pick up his xbox and a 12-pack, then on to my house to hang out.

It's an amazing feeling when you're thought of by people you love, when they are thinking about you and how to include you in their lives. A real confidence and self-esteem booster.

Not a Jedi Yet

2011-09-13T15:03:00.001-07:00

JD was just acting out a scene from Return of the Jedi. It's the scene where Luke, Han, and Chewy were being made by Jabba the Hut to walk the plank into the moster in the crater.

JD was on top of the deck storage box with Toodles. He recited Luke's dialogue, "Jabba, this is your last chance. Free us or die."

Good stuff.

Receive, Process, Send Feedback

2011-09-03T13:35:00.000-07:00

I have gone through phases of understanding JD's speech challenges.

When he was first diagnosed with a, "Speech Delay," and they said that he was one age group behind, we would do some therapy, he would get caught up, and all would be good.

That was three years ago.

About a year ago, I realized that this was not something like a cold or the flu. It's not something that we can cure or heal. It could be something that is a lifelong challenge or something that he grows to live with, and possibly quite productively.

Once in a while, I will talk to a friend and mention JD's speech delay. The response is usually, "What do you mean? He talks just fine."

Wife and I know from being around him regularly that his speech is not like other kids his age, or at least not like the more articulate kids. This has lead me to redefine his challenge.

Communication. It is not saying the words that is difficult. It is the process of sending and receiving information. If Wife asks him, "What did you do at the park today?" he is challenged to think back to the time we were at the park. He simply cannot think about the park, pick out a few highlights or the funny thing that happened, and relate it to her or anyone else. "What's your favorite food?" "What's your favorite dinosaur?" These are questions that he simply cannot process. If he is asked a yes or no question that is false, like, "Did you play hockey at the park?" he may say, "Yes," when he hadn't.

For me, putting some kind of definition or label helps me because I can put the issue into persepective. It's like using technical or conceptual terms in conversation - it eliminates or reduces subjectivity.

So now, if I tell someone that he has a speech delay and they reply that he sounds fine, I can briefly define it more accurately as difficulty with his overall communication skills.

Having defined it like that has also helped me communicate better with him. Alleviating frustration makes a happy household. So do chocolate chip cookies.

How Do You Spell, "Frustrated"?

2011-09-03T13:22:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder if I have the patience for job as a homemaker, if I'm really cut out for it.

I'm trying to teach JD how to write. Last year during preschool, he would write his name every day before class started. I got him to the point where he could do it on his own, then stopped diligently helping him do it correctly. Toodles was with me and was under two years old in a preschool classroom running wild and tearing up the joint for the five minutes I would spend with JD trying to get him to write his name correctly.

Did we ever work on it at home? Maybe once or twice. That's my bad.

So I'm really trying to do it now. For the last week, we have spent some part of almost every day doing some learning. Thursday, we did big and little "A" and "B". Today, I was just going to review "A", "a", "B", "b". "A" was not too difficult. He kept drawing the middle line past the vertical lines, but that will come with time. "a" was much more challenging.

I have shown him at least fifty times, maybe more. Hand-over-hand and doing it myself. Fortunately, I am, to some degree, ambidextrous, so I am able to write legibly with my left hand. (JD is left-handed.) Each time I try to get him to do it himself, he starts from a different place than I've shown him over and over.

For the most part, I have been very patient. After a while, though, I start getting frustrated and it comes out in my voice. "No! Not there! Here," again pointing out the correct place to start "a".

I have a feeling that this has, in some part, to do with his speech and occupational difficulties. Perhaps he is unable to keep the process in his head. I really don't know.

I need to find a place in my life that I can equate this challenge and it has to be a physical activity that gives me trouble. Perhaps it's like in hockey, my constant disability to calmly handle the puck as a defenseman in the offensive zone. I get the puck on the blue line and suddenly I become myopic and anxiety sets in. It is frustrating to my teammates because I have ruined more than one scoring chance by making hasty or errant plays. In my head, I know that I need to catch the puck, look up, find the open lane to the net to shoot or find the open teammate. It only takes a split second.

However, I have not had anyone take the time to practice this with me. I have not had the opportunity to have repetitions to make it automatic. Perhaps even if I did, it would still give me trouble.

Or I can scrap the analogies and attempts to relate and simply try to understand who my son is. He isn't me. He doesn't get it. It's a great challenge to JD to follow these directions. It may take hundreds of repetitions before he begins to get it right. I have to wrap my head around that reality.

If that's the case, then how many repetitions in one sitting is right? Perhaps I simply need to find the happy place between not enough and too much through trial and error. Find the right tone of voice, find the right reward, and all will be good. Maybe it will take a month before he gets "a" down (maybe more.) Perhaps once he gets it, then "b" or "c" will come easier. Perhaps it's getting his mind to understand how to understand and follow the directions more than his motor skills. Maybe once he starts understanding how one or two letters are constructed, he'll be able to understand how to construct others because there are similarities.

What challenges have you faced in teaching your child or children various skills?

Thanks for reading. Writing helps me organize my thoughts and feelings.

A Wrinkle turns into a Meltdown

2011-09-02T19:58:00.000-07:00

One of Wife's best friends, Rosie visited this evening. After playing with JD and Toodles for a while, they became rowdy and irritable. It was clearly time for bed.

I pulled the plug abruptly and made them say good-night without a warning. There was dissention in the ranks. Trudging on, I grabbed Toodles and put her in bed, then came back for JD and brought him up. We did our in-bed routine ("Twinkle Twinkle," "Jingle Bells," "Goodnight Moon.") Then I said good-night.

Toodles was complaining fiercely from the moment we made a move to go to bed. Then we couldn't find her "Bunny." Then she didn't want a blanket. Then she did. Then she didn't want this pillow, she wanted that one. I helped her while singing the songs and telling the story, then I walked out. As I did, they began calling for "Mommy."

Usually, we all go upstairs together, read a story or two in our bed, then they kiss Mommy good-night, and I do the in-bed lullabies. Going straight to bed from the living room and without Mommy was a big change for them and they were not happy about it. When I came downstairs, Wife asked what the problem was. I dryly replied that there was a wrinkle in their routine. Mommy replied that we should just stick to the routine. I rebutted that we should stray from the routine more often.

When is routine too routine?

The best thing about routine is that there are clear expectations and a lack of the unknown. Routine is comforting. But routine can also fail to allow for improvement, creativity, or finding something new.

In our brief discussion upon returning from putting the kids to bed, I recalled a story from seventh grade. The whole grade went on a two-night sleep away excursion to Wisconsin. One boy became so distraught on the first night that his parents were called and picked him up at midnight or later. While I had no evidence to support, I theorized that he had had few, if any, experiences sleeping away from home and that any time when it came up and he showed anxiety, his parents excused him.

While a routine and a schedule have the similar quality of alleviating the fear of the unknown, they are two very different things. A routine is something that is done on a regular basis in a similar fashion each time. Like showering or putting clothes away. A schedule is a list of events that will take place in a certain order.

Why am I comparing them? Because I believe that many parents use routine as a schedule. Doing the same things in the same way day-in and day-out. Having a schedule, in my mind, allows for creative imbalance.

Routine is comfortable for the parent as well as for the child or children. There is little thought that goes into routine. Once it is established, following it takes little effort. And there is little friction. That is probably the more important reason. Nobody likes screaming children. And they will scream if they don't get what was requested. I try to tell JD that there was a time when he hadn't seen Finding Nemo, and that when I told him I was going to play it on TV the first time, he resisted. Now, it's one of his favorite movies.

Is there any utility from routine? Absolutely. I surmise that a common threat between successful individuals is being anal in their routine. Having a routine takes the thought out of the mundane and allows for creativity and production in the same time space. At home, a morning routine can allow the family to move from pajamas through breakfast and preparation for the day. Have a routine for the way you get in and out of the car or for cleaning up toys.

Routine is a problem when deviating from it causes a disproportionate amount of stress. Having a meltdown because a certain story wasn't read at bedtime or because there wasn't a certain type of cracker for lunch is not healthy. It is mental weakness. And, please, do not give me some line about them being babies. They are little people. How many adults do know who get rattled for proportionate reasons? I'm sure you and I can find things about ourselves in this way. But do you melt down when there is a problem, feigning reason for screaming and tears, or do you get frustrated, then move to reason and solve the problem?

Make alterations to your routines part of your schedule. I believe that, like sleep training, a rough patch will lead to smooth sailing.

Really? A Cape?

2011-08-30T10:16:00.000-07:00

Wife bought JD a Thor costume from Costco for around $20. I thought it was a frivolous purchase, but went along with it.

Since then, he has worn it almost every day. He has worn it everywhere - to the grocery store, the park, and out front to play with the neighborhood kids. He loves the thought of being a superhero.

Until recently, I thought that kids dressing up in costume in public on a regular basis was . . . silly. What were their parents thinking? Kids running around with capes on. I mean, come on!

Now that I'm the parent, I realize that they are trying on different selves. They are trying to figure out who they are and who they want to be.

To go off on a related tangent, as an adult, I put on costumes more than I realize. Let's say I'm on the golf course. My tee shot has left me 235 yards from the center of the green. Seriously, what are the chances that I can hit the green from there? But still, I pull out my 3-wood and give it a rip. I've just put on my Tiger Woods costume. When I'm playing in a men's league hockey game and try to skate the puck from my defensive to the offensive end, I've just put on my Patrick Kane costume. When I try to pick stocks, I've put on my Warren Buffett costume.

While JD may not be able to harness the powers of Thor, just as I probably sliced the ball into the woods, he can harness some happiness and perhaps the thought that, if he works hard enough and dreams big enough, that he can be a super-something someday.

Toodles will be a Princess someday. Don't get me started.

Bingo!

2011-08-29T20:58:00.000-07:00

Many of my favorite moments in the last few months with the kids have been watching or listening to them play together (when they play nicely.)

Today, while I was preparing dinner, they were playing in the living room. The living room is at the front of the house while the kitchen is at the back with a 10 foot hallway separating. Close enough to hear, far enough to be separate.

So I'm doing my thing in the kitchen when I hear JD say, "Toodles, do you have an 'S'?"

"It's right here!" she replied.

"Okay, Toodles, put a red circle on the 'S'."

"Okay, JD," she said. I had to peek in.

They were playing the I Spy version of Bingo together. JD was calling out the letters while helping his sister find her letters. He was very patient and not bossy at all.

While many other moments over the course of the day would tell otherwise, as well as a couple of marks on JD's face, they really love each other and do find ways to show it.

Practical Development

2011-08-26T12:29:00.001-07:00

I sometimes wonder if I give the right bablance of supervision and freddom to JD & Toodles. JD just came to get me from the kitchen to show me what he and Toodles have been up to.

For the last 20 minutes or so, I have been putting away the groceries that we picked up. Carrots and celery were peeled and washed, respectively, cut into sticks, and put into a container with water and a touch of salt. Contact solution and new toothbrushes into the bathroom. Filled the flour jar. Dumped the bad buttermilk. Stared longingly at the cold beer in the fridge.

When I walked into the livingroom with JD, he said, "Daddy, look!" Toodles was wrapped to invisibilty within a tan fleece blanket. There was a small pile of toys on her.

"Hi Toodles," I said with a bit of apprehension regarding the scene. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, Daddy, I okay," sounding perfectly content. Back to the kitchen.

A few minutes later, JD appeared. "Daddy, come see."

The couch pillows were on top of the toys.

"Toodles, are you okay?"

"Yes, Daddy."

I told JD that, if she wanted to get up, that he had to help her immediately.

In the end, nothing bad happened. They were happy playing together. I was happy having a long while to get things done.

Sometimes I think that I use too much time to do these things. There certainly is a happy medium between free, self-directed play and structured play. Occasionnaly, I feel guilty that I've given too much time to chores, trying but failing to remember what structured activities we did together.

today, we were out of the house for over three hours, shopping at five different stores: Target, Costco, Aldi, Isaacson & Stein Fish, and Stanley's Produce. Since we've been home, I have spent the bulk of my time putting away groceries and other items, making lunch, and organizing the kitchen. So what could I have possibly taught them?

Over the course of the day, we talked about street smarts like looking out for cars; about keeping our fingers off of items that we aren't buying, about different kinds of produce, meat, fish, and shellfish; and about the things that we saw along the way like railroad tracks ("JD, did you know that Chicago was the railroad capital of the United States?") vehicles, and people.

The fact that we haven't sat at a table and worked on math, language, or science skills still bothers me a bit. One, the day isn't over. And, two, I did not neglect their overall development.

Nobody Pushes Toodles

2011-08-04T12:33:00.000-07:00

Our babysitter related this story to me when I came home from my daytime errands.

Toodles was on a slide at the local park. While sitting at the top waiting to go down, a little boy, roughly Toodles's age, pushed her so that she slid down before she was ready. Physically, she was fine, but she was crying.

JD saw this and, after the little boy came down the slide, proceeded to discipline the little boy. "Don't push Toodles down the slide!" said JD. "You go sit down. Time out!" he said, pulling the little boy by his sleeve. The little boy, though a bit wide-eyed, sat down.

Then, JD walked over to Toodles and asked, "Toodles, are you ok?"

"Yeah," she respondeed tearfully and sniffling.

JD went back to the little boy and explained to him how he shouldn't push other kids down the slide, that they could get hurt. Back to Toodles.

"Are you still ok?" he asked.

"Yeah," she responded, still sniffling.

Back to the little boy. "Go say sorry to Toodles," JD directed.

"No," said the little boy.

"Yes," said JD, "Go say sorry to Toodles."

"Ok," and reluctantly walked to Toodles and gave her a half-hearted, "Sorry."

My sitter told me that, all this time, she looked for a parent or babysitter to appear to defend/discipline/oversee the situation, but none did. She also said that she was in between intervening and keeping her distance. Because JD was doing such a good job talking to the boy, though sternly, and not hitting, she sat back and let him take care of the situation.

Wife and I have often talked and debated about the best way to teach JD to defend his sister. It's difficult to teach a child of four years not to hit, but suddenly allow him the judgment to hit if it is required to defend his sister. Apparently he picked up the appropriate tactics. JD simultaneously ensured Toodles's well-being while defending her honor and safety while using upper-level intellectual tactics. Rather than throwing himself on the boy and beating the daylights out of him, he used his words to handle an emotionally charged situation. It was the perfect combination of bravery and maturity.

And he knew that nobody pushes Toodles. Nobody.

I am neither pacifist nor war-monger. There is a time for action and a time for diplomacy. I'm proud to say that our son, in this instance, chose the appropriate course of reaction in this situation.

How to Score at the Park

2011-07-22T14:01:00.000-07:00

After talking with a friend the other day, I realized that I have to change my position on a post I wrote some time ago, probably close to three years. ( think I wrote about this, but couldn't find anything.)

When I first moved to the Lakeview neighborhood, it felt as if women at the parks would not talk to me. I went to several parks and I felt like an outsider. Even worse, it felt as if women felt defensive when I was near.

That is no longer the case. I probably make a single-serving friend (see Fight Club) every other visit to the park. Maybe two out of every three visits. While I'm not good at translating that into playdates or a real friendship, it's nice to have a friendly conversation with no strings attached.

An interesting aspect of this new found . . . confidence at the park is that I tend to seek the company of women rather than men. When I see men at the park, it never is my initial instinct to consider the possibility that he may be a homemaker.

With respect to preferring the company of women, I can't say what that is, exactly. I do know that I am a man in a woman's world. And it still is. Part of the proof is marketing. Just watch daytime TV. I promise you will never see a clothes washing commercial aimed at male consumers. Even when I was in high school, I made several good girl-friends with whom I would talk for hours on the phone without any romantic connotation. Perhaps I am finally comfortable with my appearance and my life, a change from my teenage and twenties when I felt awkward and battled acne. While there is never (NEVER) any flirtation or romantic intention, I would be dishonest if I didn't admit that being confident with women makes me feel good about myself.

On the flip-side, why is it that I do not seek out guy-time when out with the kids? While few of the men I come across in public are homemakers, we still have plenty in common.

As I'm writing this, I wonder if there is something in me that wants to separate my home life from my social life. I love guy time. Love it. But when I'm having guy time, I like to get rude, crude, and rowdy. My humor is base and, at times, misogynistic. I love a good beer but ten is better and please pass the bourbon. Oh, and the F-word? I use F like Paula Deen uses butter. Golf? Is there any better place to be than your favorite golf course with your buddies? Okay, maybe playing a hockey game (including the locker room before and after the game as well as the beers in the bar after the locker room.)

Perhaps I should make more of an effort with guys at the park. I can only imagine how uncomfortable some may be. Perhaps they feel silly as I once did playing little kid games. Perhaps if a cool guy had made an effort with me when JD was little, I would have had a better initial experience.

You know you're a homemaker when . . .

2011-07-19T11:54:00.001-07:00

You can walk into a bathroom chewing a bite of food, wipe your child's butt then wash your hands, all the while seamlessly looking forward to your next morsel.

Don't Mistake the Bathroom for the Bedroom

2011-07-18T14:40:00.001-07:00

Daddy, I have to poop.

The first time, I believed her.

We were laying in her bed, a twin-sized trundle bed extended from her brother's full sized bed which sits under a twin-sized bunk bed.

I purchased the mattress last week and the bedding this weekend. It was all made up, bright colors and familiar stuffed animals. She was armed with her new Cinderella pillow.

Noooo! No nap!

Damn.

After calming her, we read 4 stories and sang three songs. Daddy, I have to poop.

We went to the bathroom across the hall. She peed. Denied having to poop. Back to bed.

Sang another song, then made a move for the door.

Screaming. I didn't break stride and closed the door behind me. Five minutes later, she opened the door. I met her. Daddy, I have to poop.

This time, I was skeptical. But we're in the middle of potty training and semi-successfully at that. (Much better than with JD.)

A little pee (no poop,) back to bed. A little screaming. Five minutes later, we met again at the second story landing. Daddy, I have to poop.

No, you don't, I replied. Back to bed. More screaming.

Ten minutes later, we meet again. By this time, we have to leave in 45 minutes to go to JD's speech therapy class, so it would cause more harm if she did actually fall asleep, only to be woken up minutes later to be transferred to the car.

I am writing this from my Motorola Droid phone in the parking lot at the produce market, waiting for Toodles to wake up so we can go buy granny smith apples for $0.98/lb. for Wife.

Oh, and it's 95 degrees outside, so I have had the car running with the A/C on for almost an hour. I didn't figure $10 worth of gas into the bed budget. Lesson: always tack on at least 10% to any improvement project.

Boys and girls

2011-07-12T14:20:00.001-07:00

Toodles just asked me why she can't go pee on the fence.

Sigh.

Ode to a summer morning

2011-07-12T06:41:00.001-07:00

530 screaming. Back to bed, I say.
600 screaming. Pillow over my head.
630 comes and all is calm. Time to start the day.

Time to poop, time to pee. Time to get your clothes on.

Breakfast time. Don't pour cheerios down your throat, please use your spoon.

I'm going to change the laundry, please don't follow. Don't push your sister, I said I would be back soon.

Time for sunscreen. Time to unload the dishwasher. Time to do your ABCs. Time to go to the park. Oh, snacks? Oh, water? Oh, shit, back in the house. Oh, towels? Oh, diapers? Oh, shit, not again.

Splash and play and making new friends. Smiles all around. I guess it was worth it. We'll do it again.

And again

Quality Time

2011-07-02T13:30:00.000-07:00

The ribs were in the oven. The cole slaw was in the fridge soaking in the vinegar and oil solution. The counters were wiped down.

Toodles and Wife were napping. JD was watching How to Train Your Dragon. A slow Saturday afternoon before friends would come over around 4 or 5 to barbeque. I was looking forward to playing 18 holes on WGT.com, followed by the Sox at the Cubs.

As I opened the black metal picketed child gate to go downstairs, I heard that sweet voice.

"Daddy, do you want to watch Dragon Movie with me? Here," he said, patting the cushion next to him, "sit and watch Dragon Movie with me."

How could I say no?

Parenting - Full Metal Jacket style

2011-06-27T20:37:00.000-07:00

"The Marines don't want robots, they want killers." -Matthew Modine as "Joker" in Full Metal Jacket.

That's possibly the most difficult thing to do as a parent.

No, I don't want killers = murderers.

I want fiercely independent, intelligent, emotionally stable, capable of giving and receiving love, free and creatively thinking human beings. Fearless but not senseless.

I want these kids to know that life means taking risks. Taking risks requires evaluation of the emotional as well as the material potential. "Failing to prepare is preparing to fail." - John Wooden

How do I plan to get the kids to that level?

By yelling at them every time they do something wrong until they cry and making them flinch every time I raise my hand.

Just kidding!

That's when I explain, as age appropriately as I can, what they can do next time he or she has the same problem. Spilled milk? To avoid spilling, hold the cup like this. When you spill something, we go over here to the towel drawer, bring one or two to the spill, and wipe it up. Jimmy hit you with a foam sword? Here's how you block the sword. If you don't want to play swords, put your sword down. Never turn your back on someone holding a sword. Peed on the floor? Go get some towels, I'll get the soap. Next time, try not to wait until you're about to pee in your pants.

These are valuable lessons, people.

You fell on your face and scraped your chin on the sidewalk? Up, up, up! Are you ok? Need a kiss? Ok, back to playtime. Run, run, run! No, no treats for every little boo-boo. Excessive bleeding requiring actual first aid can be accompanied by a dum-dum.

You jumped from the second stair? Ok, now jump from the third! Scared? I'll hold your hands this time. Next time, you do it yourself.

I will teach them that failure is when you sulk in defeat rather than learning from mistakes while moving toward the next opportunity. We will go over tests and quizzes. Ball games and Bar Matzohs. We will learn to learn.

Having the patience to have the explanation for the 1,000th time, knowing there will certainly be a 1,001st time is what makes us parents, not killers. Screaming and yelling is what makes us human. Being mentally unstable is what turns parents into killers.

I want no robots. I do not want my kids to succumb to peer pressure. It exists within people more than from without - perception rather than reality. Go with the flow because you like it, not because people you like to hang out with are part of it. One of the most frightening aspects of life is allowing the flow to take you to people and places you may enjoy even more. And that those places can help take you where you want to be. And that there are people and places that may have to be left behind. (Burn no bridges.)

They must understand that robots are good for a purpose. When it's original function is eliminated, solid state robots get thrown to the scrap heap. Others retool for the next type of service. Didn't make the soccer team? Try lacrosse. Try acting. Try chess. Or start training today for tryouts next year. Whining about the coach being unfair and political will help you not.

Lessons taught after failures. Wisdom is using those experiences for future successes. Made an mistake to lose the game. Got a sub-par grade on an exam. Was dumped by a girlfriend. Got in trouble with friends. Made the play that won the game. Got an A. Asked that girl or boy to dance.

Today was a 3rd of July barbecue at my brother's house. At one point, my 6-year-old nephew, JD, my sister, and I were using bean bags to throw at one another. (It started as throwing to one another and escalated. I probably had something to do with that.) I hit my nephew in the stomach. "Ow! That hurt!" he exclaimed, slightly upset that he felt a little pain. If only he'd picked up that bean bag and said with a big grin, "I'm gonna get you, Uncle!"

Yes, buddy, most of the best times in life came with a couple of bruises. They are markers of time and place. They are there to help tell the story. And stories are usually funnier if it's of a time where you fucked up. Hindsight is hilarious.

In the meantime, don't forget to have mindless fun. Like throwing bean bags at each other. Learning to live happy is the best lesson of all. Happiness is running through a muddy field on a hazy day holding a warm M-16 and screaming in amassed rage with your best buddies, practicing for the day you'll face the enemy. If you've ever played rugby, you know what I'm talking about.

Prompt Response

2011-06-21T19:29:00.000-07:00

Something I've learned (the hard way, as many of my lessons learned,) has been to respond promptly to an inquiry.

Would you like to get together this weekend?

I'm not sure. Let me check my schedule and get back to you.

Acknowledgement. It feels good to be acknowledged. Why is it so important? Because it reduces the feeling of unknown.

Unknown is, in my own estimation, one of the greatest stressors for humans. There is a general fear of the things that we don't know. The fear of the future.

I'm certainly not saying that every person is paralyzed by the fear of the unknown. It causes stress. You call and leave a message regarding school. When will I get a call back? The dentist office calls to ask if you can reschedule. You call back to tell them you're unsure about the timing but will get back to them.

Reassurance.

So when someone asks something of you, reply quickly. You don't have to have the answer, but telling the person that their inquiry is being pursued will bring relief to him and make you look like you care.

Free Texting

2011-06-15T20:47:00.000-07:00

My buddy @ Couponing For 4 shared this. I only have a 500-msg plan, so this makes a lot of sense. I then realized that, once I know the person's provider, I can save it as a secondary email so I don't have to remember every time. Enjoy your free texting!

Send Free Text Messages By Email

Posted: 14 Jun 2011 07:49 PM PDT

Did you know that you can send text messages for free? If you don’t want to spring for the cost of a texting plan, I have your solution!
You can send a text to anyone by email if you know what cellphone provider they use. Here’s how:
AT&T – cellnumber@txt.att.net
Verizon – cellnumber@vtext.com
T-Mobile – cellnumber@tmomail.net
Sprint PCS – cellnumber@messaging.sprintpcs.com
Virgin Mobile – cellnumber@vmobl.com
US Cellular – cellnumber@email.uscc.net
Nextel – cellnumber@messaging.nextel.com
Boost – cellnumber@myboostmobile.com
Alltel – cellnumber@message.alltel.com
I have heard that there are Apps available for free texting, but if you are as clueless about Apps as I am, try texting by email!

Send Free Text Messages By Email is a post from: CouponingFor4

Brief social commentary

2011-06-08T13:05:00.001-07:00

First: men, don't wear white-framed sunglasses. Just don't. They're for women.

Second: don't put a yellow, diamond-shaped 'baby on board' sign in your car. As George Carlin repled, "Who gives a fuck?" Then, he went on with something about expecting others to alter their driving habits because you chose to bring a child into the world.

I agree. If you are worried about other drivers, take a defensive driving course. Buy a car that can withstand impacts. Only go to the grocery store at 3am. But, please, don't expect others to change because you did.

Ages & Stages

2011-06-07T13:17:00.000-07:00

My buddy who has two boys, 6 & 4, commented that the elder is going through the, "Satanic 6s." Looking forward to that!

Reliving Lost Time

2011-05-20T09:06:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, I was trying to fall asleep. Flipping through the movie channels, I landed on Field of Dreams. I put it on and was just planning on watching for a minute or two before taking off my glasses, when I got caught up in it.

Terence Mann (James Earl Jones) was invited to go into the cornfields with the ballplayers and Ray Kinsella (Kevin Costner) was mad because he wasn't invited. Shoeless Joe Jackson (Ray Liotta) says, "If you build it, he will come," and looks to the side. There, taking off his catcher's equipment was Ray Kinsella's father, John, but as a young man. As John walks toward them, Ray asks his wife, Annie (Amy Madigan) what he should say to his father. She replies, "Introduce him to his granddaughter."

That's when I start to choke up, as I'm doing now.

Ray introduces his wife and daughter to the man he hadn't spoken to since well before John's passing. John thanks them for building the field, then walks away.

As John walks away, Ray says, "Dad, would you like to have a catch?" and that's when I lost it, as I'm doing now.

My father died of pancreatic cancer in September 2004. I was married in August 2005. JD was born January 2007; Sydney May 2009.

So I'm watching this movie and I'm crying and it's almost midnight. But there I am, thinking about my Dad. The chance to have one more day with him, to show him my life and introduce him to my children . . . it's too much for me.

I've been thinking about my Dad a lot lately, more than I have in a short period of time since the months after his passing. I wondered why I was having these feelings now.

Right now, I should be cleaning the bathrooms. But I was making my bed and thinking about the trip we're planning for August. My sister-in-law responded that the same time that we're going is good for her and my brother. You see, she will have had her last chemo treatment about ten days prior.

She was diagnosed with breast cancer about two months ago.

As far as having breast cancer, it seems best-case-scenario. Found extremely early; the tiny tumor was close to the exterior; there is no indication of it having spread through her body. In other words, treatable.

She made a comment about getting some sun on her bald head (which it will become during her chemo treatments this summer.) So I started thinking about shaving my head for the summer, a way to be by her side. Then I wondered whether I was doing it for her or if I was doing it for me. Why would I do it for me? Then it hit me.

I'm planning on running the 5k at the Cancer Wellness Center event this Sunday. I'm doing it for my Dad and for Sis-in-law. But I'm also doing it for me.

When my Dad was diagnosed with cancer, I was 26. He died and I was still 26. He was diagnosed in February or March and died in September. I thought he was going to be okay when I first heard the news. He would fight it and we'd all go on. I did no research. All I did was internally criticize how he was handling it. It didn't seem like he was trying to fight. He burdened me by saying that we couldn't tell anyone. I didn't understand until I said all of this to my brother who responded, "I don't know whether to hit you or hug you."

Because what he had found out from his research is that pancreatic cancer is a death sentence. At that time, it was a 5% survival rate, and those who survived were in early stages. Dad was stage 3 when diagnosed. Death sentence.

But that summer I was working and living downtown, working around 50-60 hours per week, working at the business he bought from his father for $1 in 1966, the business I had grown up with and that had paid for my food, clothing, shelter, and education. Going to see him was not part of my routine. I didn't make time for it. It was out of my way. Besides, everything was going to be fine - he would pull through. And now, I can never get that time back.

So now I'm thinking about doing this race and shaving my head. That's when it hits me. Maybe sister-in-law's cancer is my second chance at being there for my family member who has cancer.

Not that she wants the sympathy or the attention - quite the opposite. She doesn't want to be the "cancer patient." How's work? Is better than, "How are you feeling?" Shitty, thanks for asking. I feel like I want to throw up, my hair is going to fall out / falling out and sometimes my insides feel like they're burning. And you? Let's just keep it to the normal stuff.

But it's not my cancer, it's hers. So while shaving my head still may be a good idea and for the right reasons, I should make sure it's . . . not the wrong thing to do. The race is the right thing to do because it's about me. It's me and the road. It's about me putting all of the grief that I have for my father and all of my support for my sister-in-law into every step.

I may cry at the end of Toy Story 3 or when in Old School Frank (Will Ferrell)

I can, and always will, feel his presence surrounding me.

Maximizing Benefits

2011-05-17T10:52:00.000-07:00

In paying a bunch of bills, I've figured out a way to maximize my savings and returns.

Savings? Returns? This will not apply to all of you.

Wife's company offers a payroll benefit for health expenses wherein we elect to have a certain dollar amount, up to $2500 annually, deducted in equal parts from her paycheck on a PRE-TAX basis. This reduces the amount of income taxes paid.

The company who administers this program allows us to either 1) pay for the service using their credit card or 2) get reimbursed for payments we make.

I am a Costco American Express holder which gives me 1-3% cash back on all purchases. So, I pay with my AMEX, then submit the payment for reimbursement. The money is deposited directly into our checking account, so I get it before I have to pay the bill, plus reap the rewards at the end of the year.

So not only do we get the pre-tax savings, we also get money on the back end. It takes some organization, but pays off.

Working Girl

2011-04-19T06:57:00.001-07:00

Toodles was playing with her little play laptop. You know the type - has a bunch of pictures and shapes for the toddler to press, making the laptop talk and sing.

So she's playing and I said, "Time to get dressed."
Her reply: "Daddy, I'm working."

Snip Snip part 2

2011-04-12T12:42:00.000-07:00

Dr Gonzales announced that he was finished and congratulated me on a courageous effort. Then he left me.

Take your time, he said. The nurse came in. Take your time, she said. Do you want me to get your wife? Yes, please.

Turnabout. Now she was the one helping me get my pants on, helping me walk down the hall. I made it about ten feet down the hall when I began to feel light-headed. There was an open exam room and I "quickly" made my way to the table where I laid down.

"Take as much time as you need," said the nurse. About ten minutes later, we were back on our way. Slowly.

Remember, I'm 6'5" and fairly athletic, so walking slowly is not part of my nature. But it was on this cool, gray, windy Thursday.

Slowly down the hall. Slowly out of the elevator. Slowly down the hall. Slowly into the car. Slowly into the house. Slowly up the stairs. Slowly into bed.

Vicodin was my friend.

Did I mention the athletic supporter? No, not a member of a university booster club. In my pre-op instructions, they had me bring a jock strap. After my surgery, they packed my penis and scrotum with gauze, gave me special underwear (boy shorts) and then Wife helped me with the jock.

This became terribly uncomfortable over the next two days. Two days before I could take it all off. That's when I was allowed to shower. The water would help detach the bown, blood-stained gauze from my private area.

Aren't you glad I'm sharing all of this?

Now it's Tuesday and in the sixth day of my recovery. Wife was terrific over the weekend, taking care of Toodles, JD and me. We have arranged for a sitter Monday through Thursday to come from 6am - 11am when she is relieved by my mother.

I'm sitting in bed, my laptop between my legs, playing WGT.com and watching premium cable. (Just finished the Showtime series, Shameless.) It was great for a couple of days, but it is starting to get boring. My time is supplemented with checking news, finaancials, playing sudoku, and texting everyone I know.

More to look forward to? The Chicago Blackhawks are back in the Stanley Cup Playoffs! They start Wednesday night 9pm Central time.

Any TV suggestions? Yeah, I should read and write. For some reason, this is not a terribly inspirational time for me. I really do just want to sit and mope. Forgive me.

Snip Snip

2011-04-09T09:05:00.000-07:00

Just in case there's any confusion, yes, that is a reference to a vasectomy.

The severing and sealing of the vas deferens, the tubes that carry sperm from the testes to join semen in the urethra. The intent - to infect an egg within a woman's uterus.

Let's start with, "Why?"

Certainly, that's what my scrotum was asking during the procedure. "We were all doing just fine! Why are you punishing us?" Yes, I wondered that myself as the needle carrying the local anesthetic was being inserted.

Well, for starters, we don't want more kids. When Wife and I talked about having kids, she wanted one while I wanted three. We decided to start with one and go from there.

As many of you know, pregnancy can be difficult. Some women enjoy the experience. While there were certainly some sweet, tender moments during her pregnancy with JD, it was not something Wife wanted to repeat. The heartburn, the lactose intolerance, the difficulty sleeping, carrying around the weight, losing the ability to drink red wine, and the internal kicks to her ribs all contributed to her feeling rather put-off by the idea of another pregnancy.

After convincing her that growing up without a sibling would be unfair, we decided to conceive again. Different pregnancy, different problems.

So we had our two kids. Our wonderful kids whom we adore and love with every ounce of our beings.

Wife had JD at 34, Toodles at 37. How old does a person want to be when their kids are growing up? To each their own, but we had our two and that's great.

Condoms are getting old. For Wife, hormonal contraception is not an option. And we are very fertile together. Both kids were conceived within a few tries. For us, one mistake could easily lead to another pregnancy. (I would never use the phrase, "Unwanted," because, if something happens in the future, I would never want that child to feel as if they were a burden rather than a blessing.)

Oh, and potty training. It sucks. Changing diapers is fine for the first 18 months. Then it starts to become a burden. I actually can tolerate the smell. It's the fighting. Having to pin Toodles legs back over her head because otherwise she'll kick or or her poop or get it all over the place sucks. She's crying, I'm angry. There's nothing good about that situation.

Sleep deprivation. While we have two outstanding sleepers, There is still those first 8-12 weeks where 5 hours of sleep feels like a full night. No thanks.

So back to the procedure (and I'll keep it brief.) There was some pain, but it wasn't torture. I wouldn't say that it was easy, because it wasn't. Dr. Chris Gonzalez of Northwestern Memorial Hospital was awesome. We had a bit of a chat and he was great about talking me through the whole thing.

We even had a bit of a chuckle. Talking about being an at-home Dad, I said that there are many days that I wish I had an office to go to. He agreed, saying that after many weekends, he's glad to get back to work. I replied, "Yeah, can't wait to sink your hands into some testicles."

Not sure how that comes across on a blog, but it was funny at the time :)

After the surgery is really when the story starts. I'll put that in the next entry.

Hug it Out

2011-04-06T11:37:00.001-07:00

Toodled and JD were playing in the livingroom while I cleaned the kitchen and did some dinner prep.

Toodles began yelling, "Ow! Ow!"

I walked to the hallway that connects the kitchen to the living room. Toodles was charging toward me, still yelling, "Ow! It hurts! My arm!"

Squatting to see the problem, she pointed to the back of her hand. Then she said, "I want hug."

We hugged for a moment, then she let go and ran down the hallway to resume playing with JD.

Teaching Opportunity

2011-04-05T11:17:00.001-07:00

I have been asking JD, my 4-year-old son, to clean up his plate and glass after his meals.

Today, I has using the potty when I heard a crash. There was no doubt that JD had dropped his plate. He was distressed.

I assured him that it was not a problem. After cleaning up the mess, I got another plate. After placing it on the table, I demonstrated how to use two hands and to bring it to a large, open area of the counter near the sink. Then I asked him to do it and gave him a high-5 and a hug.

Listening to Hawk Harrelson announce White Sox games, I have learned a few of his wise sayings. Two apply here. First, experience is something you got when you didn't want to get it. Second, the worst thing you can do after a failure is to dwell on the failure rather than learn the lesson so as to be successful the next opportunity.

Funny things

2011-04-05T05:16:00.000-07:00

JD and I were watching Fresh Beat Band when one of the characters, Twist, went into space. I asked JD what he was doing. JD replied, "He's in space. He's looking for E.T."

How cute is that?

Just a minute, please!

2011-04-02T05:49:00.001-07:00

With a gifted speaker comes some difficulty. Toodles, now 22 months, regularly uses 4 and 5 word sentences. The downside is that, when she asks for something, she doesn't understand concepts such as time or sanitation.

She may come to me while I'm handling raw chicken and ask for milk. Just a minute, please, I say to her. I want milk, Daddy. Just a minute, please. She begins to get frustrated and is soon crying and yelling at me.

This would be tolerable if it only happened, say, once a day. But it happens at least four or five times. Every day. At the dinner table. In the car. On a walk. At the playground. She wants something that isn't immediately available. And she gets pissed.

I have been trying to be patient, but I occasionally lose my mind and control and yell back. Of course, that only makes everyone upset. As with most undesirable behaviors, it is more a matter of time than teaching.

Funny thing she said . . .

2011-03-31T17:58:00.000-07:00

Toodles and I sat down for a tea party. After dumping out the tea set, she began 'pouring' the tea. Then she picked up one of the plastic pieces of cake. I asked for a bite, so she held it to my mouth. Then I smiled and said how yummy it was. She looked at me, smiled, and said, "I made it for you, Daddy."

Melts my heart.

Goals for the week ending 3/25

2011-03-21T06:47:00.000-07:00

1) clean up & plan dinner (including prep that can be done ahead of time) @ night after kids are in bed
2) plan academic / play activities for Toodles while JD is @ preschool
3) same for JD after school when Toodles is napping
4) decide between donating toys & clothes or have a garage sale
5) contact landscaper & painter to plan spring improvements
6) win hockey semifinal
7) blog at least every other day

Thank goodness for the Android blog app!

Battle!

2011-03-15T21:23:00.000-07:00

She's a horrible little girl. She's wonderfully smart. She's got big blue eyes and fine, golden hair. She screams. When I call for her to come to me, she stares at me like I'm a moron. When I ask her to stand, she sits down.

She's 22 months old.

She's my Toodles.

Yes, willful and wonderful. Bright and stubborn. Humorous and serious. Bipolar?

I guess the question is, should I battle her to ensure that she is the disciplined child that I seek to raise, or do I conserve my energy and give in to her little protests and demands. She dumps her plate to the floor every day. She knocks her milk or water to the floor every day. Getting dressed is a nightmare. Changing diapers is war. Getting out of the house requires an extra three to five minutes depending on how many times she runs away or decides to take a dump after I've put on her shoes and jacket and go to working on my own or JD's. In her car seat she bucks and straightens.

When is she easy? She is easy when it's 1-on-1 time and we're playing. Oh, at a park? A pleasure. Reading? Awesome. Puzzles, play-do, you name it.

But seriously, do I give in or do I stick to my guns? I get so fired up because I can be nice or I can yell and she doesn't care. My patience is wearing thin . . .

Self-Cleaning Service

2011-03-07T20:46:00.000-08:00

I had an epiphany. Why pay people to clean my house?

We started with our cleaning service when we were both working, before we had kids. At that time, it was nice to have somebody else take care of the dusting, clean out the fridge, and of course, the bathrooms.

Then we moved into a house. More dusting, one more bathroom. So on and so forth.

I am spoiled enough to get a sitter during the day for 4 hours every 2 weeks. That costs $10/hr. I figured that, as unattractive as cleaning the house sounds, I could do it as well as the service in about the same amount of time, maybe a bit more. With a sitter every week we would still save $80 per month. Win, win!

The service did a good job of cleaning. I mean, they're a cleaning service. It's not rocket science. Inevitably, though, I would spend a good twenty to thirty minutes fixing things they misplaced, like pots and pans, toys, or pictures on shelves.

So I did it - cancelled the service and set out to do it myself. What happened the first time I had a sitter and was all set to go to town on the house? My sis-in-law got sick, so I spent 90 minutes shopping for and dropping off sick supplies. You know what happened - the house did not get cleaned. I got a couple of bathrooms done, but nothing what I'd envisioned.

Then I realized that I didn't necessarily have to clean the whole house in one shot. I created a schedule where Monday I did the basement, Wednesday the second floor, and Fridays the main floor, including the kitchen. I did that for a week, but the amount of time was uneven. Doing the main floor included the kitchen, the most time consuming place in the house. So then I decided that I would do the bathrooms one day, the vacuuming one day and the kitchen one day. That has worked out the best.

The pluses: unexpectedly, the house is staying cleaner on a regular basis. Perhaps it is the knowledge of what it takes to get it done, but I think it's the knowledge that nobody else is coming to do it. Also, I am throwing more things away, reducing clutter.

The minuses: I have to clean my house. It sucks. I've never been a neat and consistently organized person. My said that I used to leave a trail of toys all over the house, never cleaning up as I went. Doing this has challenged my ability to change who I am as a person. I have to schedule the time and make it happen.

And that's where I am right now. I'm learning to be something different. It has brought added stress and an added sense of accomplishment. It's probably good for the kids, too. Heaven knows they'll be taking on these chores as soon as possible! That's a few years down the road, when I've got the system perfected.

The Consequences of the Gifted

2011-03-06T21:41:00.000-08:00

Since I write so infrequently, you may not know that JD was long ago diagnosed with a speech delay. He continues to struggle with certain speech elements.

Toodles, however, is the opposite. At this point, she is clearly verbally gifted. At 22 months, she not only has a fully functioning vocabulary (I couldn't possibly count the number of words she uses) and uses her words in complete sentences. It is a pleasure hearing her sing various lullabies, play with dolls and action figures, talk with JD, and respond to questions. She knows all 26 letters of the alphabet, recognizes numbers 0 - 9, and can count to 22. I have begun to teach her to read, though that hasn't materialized, but I would not be surprised if she is reading by 3 years old.

And it's nothing that I push on her. She asks to do puzzles and points out letters. The most I do is raise the bar, speak Spanish, count higher, spell out words and try to write letters. She is enthusiastic about learning.

There's always a "but" though, isn't there?

While speech delayed, JD's gross motor skills are at the top of the charts. He was able to throw a ball on target at six months old. When he was 18 months, he picked up a hockey stick and by two-and-a-half, could place his shots. At four years, he can wind up and throw a pitch for a strike and hit a pitched baseball.

All of that power invited consequence. Playing with kids his age was impossible. While other kids would pick up a ball and run with it, fearful that they would not get the ball back, JD understood the reciprocal concept of a game of catch. He threw the ball so much harder than kids his age, they would get hurt; he was too small to catch balls thrown with the same power. We put him into soccer and floor hockey with older kids, which exposed his social weaknesses. So while I love to play sports with my son, we are confined to that capacity for the next 6 months to a year, when, at 5, either other kids will have caught up or JD will be able to compete with kids slightly older. (He is 90% for height, 75% for weight.)

Toodles's vocabulary comes with a lack of maturity. I was handling raw chicken and she asked for a cup of milk. I told her, "Just a minute, please." That wasn't good enough, though. While she understood what I was saying, she had no concept of time, so again she asked. Again I answered. Again she asked, but with greater urgency. As this call-and-response continued, our collective patience ran thin and I found myself, on this less-than-my-best day, yelling at a 22-month-old girl with big blue eyes and curly blond hair.

Today, on our 40-minute-drive from the burbs to the city, Toodles didn't want to sit in the car. How do you explain to a 22-month-old that we have to go home; to get home we have to ride in a car; riding in the car means being buckled into a car seat? After 30 minutes, she fell asleep. Until then, there was screaming, whining, and pleading to get out of the car. To our credit, neither Wife nor I yelled back. We ignored her least rational communications and gently tried to overcome her intelligible objections.

While we don't expect our children to be perfect at any point in our lives, we do hold false hope. I say false hope because, as we have experienced with JD, with every problem overcome, another is around the corner. To the optimist point-of-view, with every milestone passed, another achievement is around the corner. Those are the ones that keep parents happy.

Those first steps, first words, first game of catch, first day of school, first competitive sporting event, first performance and all of the other goals we look forward to are out there. With all of the opportunity children (and adults) are afforded, come consequences. It is the ineffective parent who can only see the troubles ahead, the problems to come, the difficulties to overcome.

I actually look forward to helping my kids through heartbreak as much as to sharing their successes. Why is that? Because it's easy to help them with the things that don't require motivation, that come with smiles. It doesn't take much effort to feed them cookies, but a lot to get them to eat vegetables. It's easy to play catch or sing ABCs, but it's hard to be patient, to urge them to improve in areas that don't come naturally. In my limited experience, though, the successes borne from those drills bring the greatest pride.

To Those Who Put Themselves in Harm's Way

2011-03-01T10:36:00.000-08:00

I don't think there is a better music video depicting the harsh reality of war.

Neither warmonger nor pacifist nor isolationist nor imperialist, I believe there is a time for war. Violence should never be an emotional reaction, but out of necessity. War is to defend an invasion and to help a friend. While the words "defend" and "friend" carry subjective definitions in this case, I hope we can all agree that we hope that an alternative is always first sought.

We must always remember the price that is paid by the individuals that serve as the families that support those individuals and the communities that support those families.

Tim McGraw, "If You're Reading This" youtube video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEjz-wAQLSA

Single Tasking?

2011-01-31T19:16:00.000-08:00

Have you found yourself looking for ways to multi-task, even when the situation calls for focus on a single item?

Providing for Our Kids is Costly

2011-01-28T22:22:00.000-08:00

I was listening to WGN 720 AM yesterday and they were discussing a recent criminal case wherein a woman was arrested for sending her two kids to a school in the district in which her father lives, but she and her children do not. While I have not fully read the charges, I gathered from the report, discussion, and callers that Kelly Williams-Bolar was not arrested out of the blue, but after repeatedly lying about her residency and even having her father file false documents with the courts.

People want to be able to send their kids to the best schools, or the schools of their choice. We all understand that. Unfortunately, the world, whether you live in a capitalist, democratic, autocratic, socialist, or other social order, does not have equality in education. It is not possible. There are going to be geographic locations that attract better teachers and better students.

I went to Deerfield high school in Deerfield, IL. We had three things going for us. First, the money to pay for the best teachers. Second, parent involvement. Third, kids who came from homes who expected their kids to go to college, meaning expecting them to do their schoolwork, show up to school, etc. (Not that the kids were angels, by any means.) What parent wouldn't want their child in that environment?

For sure, there are plenty of grandparents living in district.That does not mean that their grandchildren should be allowed access to the schools. Why stop there? What about aunts and uncles? Cousins? Second cousins twice removed?

Okay, so I'm getting silly. But there has to be a line that cannot be crossed and that line is defined by the parents living within the district. If people want their kids to go to the school of their choice, they can apply and pay as if they were in private school.

If you want your kids in better schools, then MOVE THERE. Or pay non-resident tuition. Period. If you can't afford it, then take extra time yourself to give them extra lessons. Public libraries have plenty of resources. There are a number of free online educational tools.

Could she afford to live in the district? Probably. In the type of accommodation that she would like? Maybe not. But life is full of opportunity and opportunity cost. Want your kids to go to Deerfield schools but your family makes $50,000? Or less? You'll probably have to rent a tiny apartment. Guess what? People do it. But what are they willing to sacrifice to get more out of life?

Teaching children to take illegal shortcuts will only create adults with a lack of ethical character. For sure, that was not what Kelly Williams-Bolar was trying to accomplish. But when her kids are faced with a major dilemma, will they make the ethical decision?

Perhaps we often forget what our family went through to allow us to live where we do - in the United States. My Grandfather came from Eastern Europe around 1910 in the hull of a steam ship, slept in haylofts, and hauled coal and ice while going to night school. All so that his kids could get a proper education in a safer place. And my parents for sacrificing all of their time and savings to buy a house they could barely afford so that we could go to the very best schools. Black? Asian? European? Protestant? Catholic? Jewish? Muslim? It doesn't matter. That's how we all came to be here - because it sucked back there. Those people had dreams of a better life. Well here it is. Do something with it.

Quit making excuses for people who aren't willing to do what it takes to make their dreams come true. I have greater goals than I have focus. But I don't whine about what I don't have, what I haven't accomplished. I don't have those things because I haven't made the sacrifices necessary to bring them to life.

There are people out there who believe that the people making the most money have been handed something for free. I beg to differ. While there are a handful of trust-fund babies out there, by and large the most that higher income earners have been handed was opportunity. Instead of doing drugs and screwing around during high school and college, they were doing their homework, getting As and Bs, then going to graduate law or medical school, racking up tens or even hundreds of thousands of dollars in educational debt. It is up to most people in this world to make the most of their situation. Instead, many wish their situation was something else instead of maximizing the resources within reach.

I'm not trying to point a finger or blame anyone. I'm trying to encourage individual responsibility. Take responsibility for what you have and where you want to be. There are no golden tickets. The lottery is not going to be the answer. Making unethical decisions to provide for children will bear lessons in illicit behavior. Stress education. Stress ethics. Expect effort. Expect excellence. Don't settle.

A friend of mine once defined luck as the time when preparation meets opportunity. That's the best thing you can do for your children: prepare them to take advantage of the opportunities that await them.

Vote, Please!

2011-01-12T06:43:00.000-08:00

http://wehearyouamerica.readersdigest.com/town.jsp?town=GRAND%20MARAIS&state=MI

Please vote for Grand Marais, MI. If you can do so everyday, it would be a huge huge favor to my friends (many of whom I consider family) and to me. Their project not only supports the livelihood of this small, Upper Peninsula town, but also supports safety for boaters (both individuals and commercial liners) as a safe port from the well-known treacherous storms of Lake Superior. Thanks again.

Try It

2011-01-12T06:33:00.000-08:00

Toodles was sitting in the middle of the carpeted basement floor with a few little animal action figures arranged in front of her. She was holding a miniature soda bottle from a kitchen play set. Holding the mouth of the bottle to each animal's lips she said, "Try it."

Earlier this morning, I made and served pancakes to the kids. Toodles noticed that I was dipping mine in syrup, so she pointed and said, "Sauce." I put a dot of syrup on her tray and said, "Dip your pancake in the syrup." She declined. So I took the pancake in her hand, dipped it in the syrup and, against her will - trying to twist and turn away from me, touched the syrup to her lips. She licked a couple of times, opened her eyes, smiled, and went to town on pancakes and syrup, her new-found joy.

Babysitting Blues

2010-12-19T20:20:00.000-08:00

Of the skills that I possess, coordination and scheduling are not my strongest. I'm an idea man, not a detail person.
So when I set up a 'happy hour' at our house for my neighbors and their kids, then had a bright last-minute idea to hire a babysitter to watch the kids, I didn't realize I was setting myself up for disaster.

Happy Hour was great. Some disorganization, but overall a success. The problem was with the sitter.
Not that there was a problem with her job performance, specifically, but in the communication for compensating her.
Originally, I figured that she would work from 5:30 until 8 or 9, the typical time for kids to go to bed. 10 at the latest. I offered her $5 flat rate per kid, expecting up to 12 kids, or $60. Her usual rate for us is $10 per hour.
After helping to finish a couple bottles of wine, my judgment was not as strong as it usually would be and some kids were up later than usual and suddenly it was 11. I figured I would give her an extra $20 for the extra time, making $80.
The next day I sent her a text message thanking her and hoping that the extra $20 was a reasonable addition to agreed upon rate. It wasn't.
She thought that the rate was $5 per hour per kid, which could have added up to around $300. When I handed her $80, she was more than disappointed (I could practically feel her shaking with anger and tears through the response text message.) When I read that she was expecting to make $300, I was shocked.
Here's what went wrong. The job was set up via text message. Once she agreed, or at least said that she was available for the job, I should have called her to create a plan. First of all, we would have found that the rate was not acceptable to her right away and could have negotiated a fair price. Second, we could have gone over what was expected.
Our contentions: she did not sit for every child who showed up. There were two or three kids around one year old who were with their parents the whole time, not under her supervision. She should not be compensated for that. Next, not all of the kids were there at the same time. They arrived and left at widely varying times. Based on when the kids under her supervision came and left, if her rate was $5 per kid per hour, it would have added up to $175. To respond to her point that she watched the kids so that we could have adult time, it was not as if the babysitter handled the kids 100% once under her care. The parents fed the kids, dealt with the occasional problem, and I changed Toodles's diaper and put her to bed when it was time.
Expecting one sitter to handle 12 kids ages 2 - 9 years old (or even the 8 that was the max at once) would be unreasonable, another reason why getting the full rate would not be what I consider equitable compensation. When we pay her $10 per hour, or $5 per child, we leave the house and she has 100% responsibility for them. If we had left her with all of the kids, then such compensation would have been warranted. In this case, her responsibility was supervising the kids who were in the basement, most of which involved watching Toy Story 2.
To circle back, all of this would have been avoided if I had called her and discussed, to some detail, about what she should expect her responsibilities to be. She would have known that there would be a great deal of parent involvement. Other problems would have been avoided if I would have dismissed her at 10 or earlier. Finally, having her so late, I probably should have given her more like $100.
So she's feeling taken and embarrassed that she misread my compensation offer (which read, "flat rate of $5 per kid") and I'm feeling bad that she's so upset and that I probably shorted her.
While I wouldn't say that she's the world's most amazing babysitter, doing balloon animals and art projects, in the couple of times that we've used her, she's punctual and the kids are comfortable with her. Frankly, for $10 per hour (a low rate around here,) that's as much as we should expect. As one of the parents at the party pointed out today, for $300 we could have hired a professional kid party person, like a musician, balloon artist, or the like. (And she also said that, for $300, she would have gladly undertaken the responsibility.)
So I'm going to talk to her tomorrow and see if I can't make the situation better by offering her another $40 to make $120 for the night. The plan is to help her see the gross exaggeration of her math, but not make it her fault. I will also help her understand the difference in expectations when she's getting her full rate ($5 per kid per hour) versus a rate in this type of circumstance. And finally I'll make the suggestion that we have voice confirmation (i.e. a phone conversation) of any job set up via text or email.
Ugh. And I thought my hangover sucked.

An 'A' in Play

2010-11-22T19:55:00.000-08:00

After Wife fell asleep tonight, I went downstairs to find JD and Toodles' toys strewn around the living room. Upon a closer look (after grumbling to myself about the mess) I realized that JD had two or three stations of organized play.

The dinosaurs were set up among the fake trees and boulders. Some guys (a.k.a. action figures) were set up in and around the action figure house (a.k.a. doll house.) There were several matchbox cars parked around the house.

When I saw all of this, I thought to myself, he's getting it.He's thinking about scenes and making up fantasy worlds. While he doesn't always answer my questions the way I would like or relate these fantasies verbally, times like these remind me that he expresses himself in his own way and to a degree that is on par with any other child. On top of that, he has had a verbal explosion in the last couple of weeks.

JD is also taking pictures. After over a month of handling the compact digital we seldom use since picking up a DSLR, I am confident that he will not break it. Not only that, he's actually developing an eye. Here are some examples of his work. (He took every one of these pictures on his own without anyone directing him.) Fun to see the world through his eyes. And one of the blessings of digital is that he can take literally hundreds of pictures at virtually no expense.

Give Presence with your Presents

2010-11-22T19:29:00.000-08:00

When thinking about what to get the kids, yours or those of others, keep something in mind. Kids don't remember who got them a particular toy, they remember the people that play with them.

When you give a kid a toy, get on the floor and help them open the box, set it up, and play with it. That's how you'll show your love. That's how a relationship will blossom. When you see the child next time, he or she will remember you as the one who made the funny voice with the doll, but might not remember it was you who gave the present.

I hate ironing

2010-10-31T20:20:00.000-07:00

I do. There is something really . . . demeaning about it. To me, there are three cleaning jobs that define domesticity: scrubbing floors, cleaning toilets, and ironing.

But I do it anyway. Why? My wife is an attorney, so she wears suits and office attire every day. Dry cleaning, even at the $2.49 places, gets pricey. I just finished ironing 4 pairs of slacks. There are four cardigans hanging up (thank goodness she's allergic to wool!). That's $20 per week, or $80 per month. I just bought myself 8 hours of babysitting!

What to do when the kids go to school Part 2

2010-04-08T20:43:00.000-07:00

A while back I posted about wondering what occupation to pursue when the kids are both in school.

Just to recap, my kids are 3 years old and 11 months old, respectively. I've got some time to pursue any particular profession. I do believe, however, that the downfall of many of my peers is waiting until the kids are school-ready to start considering their next move.

And there is no shame in their procrastination. The move back into the work force cannot be an easy one. While we homemakers have a tough job, we are used to a certain pace of life, a certain schedule. In short, we know what's expected of us. Instead, we will have to shower and groom daily to make ourselves publicly presentable. We will be at a job from which we can be fired while trying to be promoted. (Are you saying to my article, but you could start your own business! Sure, because that would be so much easier!)

Right now, I am longing for an outside job. A place where adult conversation can be had, where I won't have to respond to tears several times per day. No diapers to change, no bottles to make, no naps to time, no cartoons to watch. I can listen to the news or any music in the car. I can joke with the guys. When I leave the house, I have to pack things only for myself, instead of bottle, toys, bib, crayons, change of clothes, snacks . . .

So what is it that I've decided to do?

Investing. No, not day trading. Investing in the style of Warren Buffett. After reading The Warren Buffett Way by Robert G. Hagstrom and The Intelligent Investor by Benjamin Graham, I have concluded that day trading is crazy. It is a sports book. That's my opinion, anyway.

Investing is doing company research, finding companies with promising futures and capable, ethical management and employees. It is reading statements and calling the company and its affiliates. It is being active after purchasing the shares. Buying shares, of course, is just the beginning of the relationship, not the means to an end in which you hope for skyrocketing profits. It is the beginning of your ownership stake in the company.

And I have found that I enjoy doing this. Just today, I researched a company that makes potato chips in Birmingham, AL. I called a wonderful woman named Patty and we talked for 10 or 15 minutes, during which time we talked about the company's growth, history, and distribution. I was giddy while writing a report about the conversation, debriefing and noting future questions to ask. It was like the feeling I got when I told my buddy that Wife was the woman I would someday marry - only two months after starting to date. It felt right, like a perfect match. I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

Of course, I'm probably not going to feel so good after getting my butt handed to me a few times on a few investments, but everyone feels like that after a hard day's work.

Up To My Elbows In Piss and Shit

2010-03-10T14:09:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the foul language. I usually keep it G or PG, but I've lost my voice already, so why not my language rating?

I had this post titled a couple of weeks ago when I first started to potty train JD. Here's what happened the day the title was originally formed, followed by Monday's events.

Upon JD's 3rd birthday in January, Wife and I finally decided that he wasn't the kid who would potty train himself, at least not any time soon. Time to start pushing a little bit. A couple of weeks of encouragement and putting him on the toilet, I decided it was time for a weekend potty boot camp.

We did a week-long countdown to 'no more diapers' and made a special trip to Target to buy big-boy underpants. The sofa was lined with garbage bags.

The weekend came and went and JD was no closer to being potty trained than before, except that he was more comfortable sitting on the toilet and I was doing even more laundry than usual. I continued the boot camp into the week and the week after that.

Two related problems. First, JD won't tell me when it is time to go #1 or #2. I have to anticipate, which means going to the bathroom every 30-60 minutes. Second, and most importantly, JD doesn't care if he's sitting in his filth. Diaper or underwear, he will sit in it for as long as it takes me to recognize there is a problem.

By the way, do you have any idea how much harder it is to clean up a poop that was made in underpants as opposed to a diaper?

So on this particular day, JD pooped in his underpants. I took his stuff off cleaned it out, and then threw it in the laundry. Then Toodles needed a diaper, so I changed her. But I hadn't re-pantsed JD. While I was changing Toodles, I suddenly heard water pouring on the carpet. Only it wasn't water. And Toodles had pooped but her tush was red, so I let her air out. So I got up, put her diaper in the Dekor, got some towels for the piss on the carpet, and came back to the living room.

Toodles wasn't finished. She had pooped again. And rolled in it. Yikes.

Fast forward to Monday, two days ago. JD was no closer to being potty trained than before. While he is fairly dry most of the day and pees on the toilet when I put him on, he will not poop on the toilet, nor will he tell me when it is time to do either.

So everything was going great. We were going to the Museum of Science and Industry with our neighbors. I was on the ball: lunch was packed, clothes were ready; all of this before both the kids were awake. After breakfast with JD and Toodles, I brought JD to the bathroom, took off his overnight diaper, and put him on the toilet. He didn't need to pee. Must have just gone, I thought, letting him go to the living room without pants. I was going to clean up breakfast, then get them dressed.

It couldn't have been more than three minutes when JD came to see me and said, "Daddy, poop on the potty?" I was so excited! He finally told me he had to go! Then I looked at his leg and saw poop. Uh, oh. So I put him on the toilet, hoping he had only let a little out but went to find the rest. I turned the corner in the living room by the stairs and saw Toodles. She was playing on the stairs. She was playing in JD's poop that was smeared all down the bottom four stairs. Did I mention that we have wall-to-wall carpeting?

I didn't know what to do, but picked her up, took her to the bathroom, got her undressed, and into the bathtub. But she had been so covered that poop got all over the bathroom floor (tile.) At that point I started yelling. He asked me to get off the toilet and then I yelled at him. "No poop on the carpet! Poop on the potty!" Over and over. Screaming. Toodles normally ignores my yelling, but the combination of my yelling and being put into the bath at an odd time of day (normally night baths) had her crying.

I ran into the kitchen and wanted to break something. I knew that breaking something would just compound the problem. I didn't want to swear aloud, though I just wanted to scream, "F*&! F*&!" Instead, I threw a tantrum. Imagine a 6'5", 32-year-old man, jumping up and down, screaming, and stomping his feet. I'm sure it was a funny sight. Then I went back and saw the carnage that was my living room. It stank. More screaming at JD.

Of course, I know that it was partially my fault, not having put a diaper on him. It's not like he hasn't done that before - go pee on the toilet, deny having to poop, then poop in his diaper less than five minutes later. That's the definition of insanity - doing the same thing hoping for different results. I was screaming from insanity.

After telling my neighbor what happened, that we couldn't go to the museum, she took pity on me and offered to take JD to the park with her kids while I cleaned. Toodles went down for her morning nap. JD went to the neighbor's house. I got on my hands and knees and cleaned up shit.

As punishment for my screaming fit, I lost my voice. It is the first time in my life that I've ever lost my voice and it sucks. I sound like Peter Brady going through puberty.

The good news is, the neighbors also have a carpet cleaner, so I borrowed that and everything looks as good as new, maybe better. It certainly smells better. JD, however, is no closer to pooping on the toilet than before. He is not compacting his poop, which could have been a consequence. As with all other milestones, encourage and wait. It will happen when he's good and ready, not by pushing too hard. Just like a good poop.

You going to eat that?

2010-03-09T13:45:00.000-08:00

Do you eat or serve prepared foods? Foods like Pillsbury Grands!, Bisquick or YoKids? Have you read the labels?

I subscribe to a few couponing websites. There are really good deals out there, but most often these deals are for prepared foods. Corporations like General Mills, Kellogg's, ConAgra, and others frequently run special promotions where consumers can reap big savings on foods sold by these companies. Sounds like a great deal? Better read the fine print.

The fine print, in this case, is the ingredient list and nutritional information. The amount of trans fat, sugar, processed sugar, sodium, food coloring, and preservatives added to many of these foods makes me ill. They are added for one reason - profit.

Companies are out for profit. These ingredients are cheaper than 'real' ingredients, make the food more shelf stable, look better, and appear healthier.

I FIRMLY BELIEVE IN A COMPANY'S RIGHT TO REAP AS MUCH PROFIT THEY CAN BY SELLING THEIR GOODS TO THE MARKET AT THE HIGHEST PRICE THE MARKET WILL BEAR.

I firmly believe it is the consumer's obligation to buy foods with healthy ingredients. If people stop buying foods made with junk materials, the demand curve will shift and corporate profits will suffer, creating a need to change the quality of the supply of foods on the shelves.

Food manufacturers use preservatives to create shelf-stable foods. In other words, to keep food from going bad. Duh. My contention on these and all other synthetics: is the human body capable of processing and flushing these chemicals? What happens to these substances when they go through our body? I believe they can be carcinogenic or cause other long-term health problems.

The use of preservatives, emulsifiers, and food coloring contribute to a food's appearance. First of all, foods don't look very appealing if they are moldy. Have you ever purchased bread from a local breadmaker? It gets moldy in a couple of days. Some grocery store bread, however, is good for up to three weeks. With every benefit comes a consequence. Fresh bread has a short shelf life. How about hot dog buns? They never seem to go bad.

Peanut butter uses emulsifying ingredients to keep from separating. Have you ever owned real peanut butter? After sitting on the shelf, the liquids and solids separate. It only needs to be stirred, but people see the separation and wonder if the food is spoiled. Cottage cheese and yogurt act like that.

Food coloring makes packaged food appear fresh and bright, therefore appealing. Making pickle relish more green or the bright colors in many breakfast cereals are just two examples of the uses of food coloring.

Sugar, brown sugar, honey, and molasses are used to sweeten foods. Fat (butter or oil) is used for taste and creaminess. Salt is used to help bring out the flavors of other ingredients and to react with ingredients in baking. Names for salt include table salt, iodized salt, sodium chloride (table salt), sodium bicarbonate (baking soda), and baking powder (a combination of baking soda and cornstarch.) Different combinations of these ingredients make a food sweet or savory. By loading food up with all three, signals are sent to the brain, giving a WOW! factor. Have you ever tried to eat just one doughnut or chocolate chip cookie? It's almost impossible, and that's not an accident. Food scientists know that adding the right levels of these ingredients will make customers come back for more.

Foods high in sugar, fat, and sodium are bad enough. But when synthetics and highly processed substitutes take the place of raw ingredients, what is the body to do?

The use of ultra-refined sugars like high fructose corn syrup take the food further away from raw materials. Refining and processing is bad. The closer to the natural product, the better. The same goes for bleached and enriched flour. Why use enriched flour? To make the food appear to be more nutritious than it is. Rather than supplementing one's diet with whole fruit and vegetables, enrichment boosts the vitamin content of nutritionally void food materials. Who cares about fruit and vegetables when you can just eat a loaf of bread and get the same vitamins, right? What most people don't know is that the absorption of added vitamins is not as strong from supplements and we miss out on the unpublished benefits supplied by whole foods.

Sodium (salt), sugar, and fat are used to create taste. It is a fact that humans (all animals, to be exact) love these components. Companies know that and not only use them for taste, but use them to create food addiction. This is not a fact, but my opinion supported by studies (see Nutrition Action Healthletter). Many foods use these combinations to get you to love their food and come back for more, no matter what the nutritional effects.

I read Nutrition Action Healthletter for their informative articles on health and nutrition. Where we disagree is their constant argument for government regulation. That's crap. There's enough regulation that gives consumers the information on food labels needed to make educated decisions about the foods they purchase. Ingredients, carlories, fat, sodium, sugars, fiber, protein, essential vitamins are all on the label of every packaged food.

By choosing to eat processed foods, however, people may as well start smoking. I believe these foods are as harmful and addictive or even more so. Similar to the long-term effects of smoking, people aren't affected immediately, but over a long period of time. Prepackaged foods are made to seduce the buyer into thinking they are healthy or taste great, when they are only manufactured and packaged to appear so. Sound familiar to smoking litigation? Adding addictive substances. Packaging for greater appeal. Creating "light" cigarettes that are just as harmful as their full-flavored counterparts.

And you think food manufacturers wouldn't do that?

Fortunately, many of these manufacturers are waking up to the harmfulness of their products. Soup manufacturers are lowering the average sodium content. Bread and cracker makers are using less high fructose corn syrup. These changes are a good start. Please read labels and make informed decisions about your diet. You'll feel better, live a healthier life, and maybe look better, though I'm lost in that regard.

Weather is the Best Medicine

2010-03-07T13:05:00.000-08:00

Living Chicago is amazing, but we have to suffer through some tough weather to get to the amazing parts.

While I will always contend that there is plenty to do so long as one dons appropriate clothing, nothing beats good weather in Chicago.

Today, by recent standards, was terrific weather. By 9:30am, the temperature had reached 40. We decided to go to the newly renovated park 3 blocks away.

If you're in a southern state, it is likely that you're surprised to hear about people going to a park in 40-degree weather. When the average temperature has been around 20 for the last three months, a 20-degree swing seems like a heat wave. Have you ever been in 80-degree weather all day, just to go out at night when it's 60, donning a sweater? Same thing.

JD and Toodles had lots of fun. JD went down the slides, around the field, and on the swings. Toodles got some of her first swinging and sliding in, too, though she slept through much of the fun. It was a great way to spend an hour-and-a-half.

I'm always leery about being outside during the first week or more of good weather after it's been freezing for so long. I strongly believe we are susceptible to the organisms laying dormant all winter.

In general, germs don't scare me. Squishy, muddy soil and sunshine are good for growth of green stuff and bad stuff.

But just like any other viral season, taking care of one's self and continuing to dress appropriately (not changing into shorts and t-shirts when it hits 50) will keep us in good shape.

Sick Blues

2010-03-03T20:33:00.000-08:00

Laying in bed for a couple of days watching Band of Brothers On Demand on HBO sounds like heaven on Earth.

That is, unless it comes at the price of strep throat.

I woke up around 5:30am Sunday morning with a terribly sore throat and feeling as though I'd played in a triple-overtime hockey game the night before that featured several fights in which I was one of the men with his gloves on the ice. Toodles and JD woke up at 6:30, so I get them breakfast and played in the living room. Not feeling well, I took my temperature. 98.9. Nothing remarkable.

It was Wife's day to sleep in, so she woke up at 8:30 or 9:00.

After informing her that I was terribly tired, I went back upstairs and fell asleep for three hours. Then I felt a fever had come on. 101.5. Back to bed. 3:00 rolled around. 103.5. Time for Tylenol and to make arrangements for help on Monday. It was unlikely I would be able to watch the kids.

Mother-in-Law took the 9-2:30 shift, while JK took the afternoon shift till Wife came home.

In the mean time, I went down to see Dr. Stewart at Northwestern Internists. He's my man. Spots on my throat. Took cultures for influenza and strep. Influenza negative. Strep positive. Amoxicillin. Plenty of fluids and food if my throat could take it. Tylenol. Rest.

Back to bed. With a bowl of matzo ball soup and a side of challah bread from The Bagel on Broadway. That was awesome of JK to pick up.

Being sick sucks. I still feel run down at the end of the day, but each day has been better. I am no longer contagious. Should be back to 100% within a week. Till then, wish me well and my kids to be patient, sweet, and quiet.

Handmade and Homemade

2010-02-25T10:18:00.000-08:00

As you may have gathered from some previous posts, I am an amateur chef. Today, I made Belgian Waffles! Thanks to LB for the electric waffle iron!

They were so good that I continue to think about them, but then try to remember the amount of butter that goes into them. Moderation is the key!

The point of this post is to remind everyone how good it feels to make things yourself. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. That's part of trying.

But, personally, I feel that the times when the things work out far makes me feel better than how frustrated I get when things don't work out.

Have you found that things don't work out when you try, so you've stopped trying?

Let me ask you this: how often do you try? For instance, in cooking, I have found that making a new recipe, especially those that require an extensive ingredient list and several steps can be tough to get just right the first time. If I wait, say, 4 - 6 weeks to try again, remembering the mistakes I made will likely repeat. But if I try again in a couple of days or the next week (maybe even make some notes about the experience) then I find that I'm not only more successful, but that it gets easier every time. For instance, I can now make Tyler's Ultimate Chicken Enchiladas without looking at the recipe.

So remember, keep trying, don't give up. You'll not only do nice things for others, but the feeling of fulfillment and creation brings great joy to your day.

Surprise!

2010-02-25T10:03:00.000-08:00

I have to give myself some props for pulling this one off.

Wife had never been to Las Vegas. We've been talking about going since we've been together, but it wasn't a top priority. Our plan was to go when she got her promotion at work, but what little extra money came from that went toward other priorities.

That was a hard blow in a way; the expectation of a reward for hard work getting pulled out from under her. She never complained, but we all know what it's like to have our expectations thwarted.

Finally, it seemed that, if I could get a good deal on the flight and hotel, we could go. So I started searching between Christmas and the New Year for packages in February or March, as her birthday is March 18. I didn't realize that I'd found a great deal, but thought that the prices were at their normal levels. Because of holiday shopping, I had to wait till the credit card cycle renewed at the beginning of January.

I wanted this to be a surprise for Wife, so she didn't know about my research. She mentioned going a few times and I kept telling her, "We just can't afford it right now. Maybe in the fall."

In the mean time, I arranged for my in-laws to take the kids for a weekend in February. That problem was solved. So I checked back over my searches in January, but the prices had gone up over 50%! Yikes! By this time, most of my family knew that I was planning this, so they would give me a heads-up if they heard about some fare specials. Still, I finally told my in-laws that unless something dramatic happened, the trip would have to be postponed.

But I kept checking and finally found the deal. 2 nights at the Bellagio and non-stop flights out of O'Hare on American Airlines. Friday February 12th through Sunday the 14th.

The trip was set. Now to do the impossible: keep it quiet while getting the peripheral preparations in order.

For instance, I couldn't have Wife get on a conference call at 4pm. Secretary informed Wife's superiors what the deal was and, if possible, to avoid conflicts at that time.

I also couldn't have Wife come home early. Occasionally, she'll pack up some reading or editing she can do as easily at home as at work and come home at say, 3pm. That would make a mess of things. I called her friends to arrange a pretend happy hour. That would ensure she would plan on staying at work until 5pm.

Everything was going so smoothly. I was getting very excited.

Then Friday morning came early with text messages from my brother at 5am. His wife was in labor. I couldn't believe it. Of all the selfish things a person could do to ruin my surprise, this certainly topped the list!

I was beside myself. On one hand, I was so excited and happy for my brother and desperately wanted to be at the hospital for them. On the other hand, I had a grocery list of things to do to get ready for this trip. And there was the question, do we still go on the trip? I had purchased trip cancellation insurance in case the kids got sick or other obstruction to my travel plans. This scenario was in the back of my mind, but she wasn't due until 2/17, the following week. I mean really, who has their first baby a week early? That never happens!

But it was happening. Wife went to work, as usual, around 6am. I was up-and-Adam and had lots to do. But instead of being focused and knowing exactly what I wanted to do and when, I was scattered. Are we going or aren't we? When do I drop the surprise on Wife? Do I keep the plans intact? What about the baby? What if they have the baby? What do I do with the kids?

Just to get the kids to the In-Laws, I had to pack their clothes and pack their food. Staying for two days brings its own intricacies. I didn't want In-Laws to have to buy a bunch of stuff they don't normally eat, so I offered to bring all of their food. My plan was to portion it all out so that they had enough for their meals and some just-in-case food (like, if we stayed an extra day or two :). I didn't do that early so Wife wouldn't be clued in that something was up. In hindsight, I could have easily packed their clothes and non-perishable food and hidden them, but I thought I would have all day Friday to do all of this.

I told wife that In-Laws offered to take the kids overnight so that we could stay at the hospital as long as it took. She responded, "Oh, great! Hey, why don't you pick me up from the office on your way back? Then we can go to the hospital together." My, what a great idea.

Instead of having all morning to pack the kids' things, then all afternoon to pack for Wife and myself, I panicked, thinking that I had to do everything before I left at 9:30am. Of course, there was laundry to do and the kids were sleeping so I couldn't go into their room. So they did wake up and had to be fed and clothed. The TV babysitter took over from there.

Then JD pooped in his underwear which leaked out to the carpet and then stepped on it. Toodles needed attention. I didn't know if I was going to cry or throw up.

Then I did the sensible thing. I decided to drop the surprise early. A weight was lifted from my shoulders. I threw JD and Toodles' things into bags, dumped everything in the car, then drove like heck to In-Laws where I had to give thorough explanation about their clothes and food and schedule. Then downtown where I picked up Wife. Finally, I told her there was laundry that absolutely had to be changed over.

We arrived home where she found the itinerary on the counter.

What's this? We're going to Vegas?!?
Yes.
When?
Look.
Tonight?
Yep.
WTF!?!?!

She was terribly excited. Then she started asking questions.

Who knew about this?
Everyone.
She found out about the fake plans that night and throughout the weekend. Coworker friends. Family. It was a lot of fun watching her discover how deep the river ran.

The best part about telling her early was that she packed her own things. I was having some anxiety about that.

We packed, went to the hospital and waited. At 3:45, a baby girl came into the world. We got the be the first ones to hold her so that we could get to the airport. She was wonderful and beautiful and looked just like her mother's side of the family. Then we said good-bye and drove to O'Hare.

Toodles the Destroyer

2010-02-16T21:07:00.000-08:00

She crawls, pulls herself up, and cruises. That is all a baby needs to destroy the house.

And there's nothing I can do about it.

Not that I don't want to encourage her independence and curiosity. Far from it. I let her get up, fall down, bang her head, pull down books and pictures and tear apart magazines. I'm Libertarian in my parenting.

Seriously, I let Toodles do all of those things. The problem is, time is not on my side. With JD potty training (slowly) and Toodles taking forever at the dining table, attempts to keep a respectable house are futile.

Her eating takes forever. I am grateful for her appetite. Something has to sustain her remarkable growth chart (95% height, 75% weight at her 9 month checkup.) Tonight at dinner, she took down 1/4 cup of brown rice, 1 tablespoon each of black beans, peas, and broccoli and 3 chicken nuggets. Other days she'll eat a cup or more of soup and a half slice of wheat bread. Meals take 30-60 minutes.

Oh, and she isn't feeding herself. Not at all. I think she ate some string cheese today when we were at the Museum of Science and Industry (new members! - Thanks LB.) I pulled about a quarter of the stick in string-style and gave it to her. After attending to JD, I looked back to find that it was gone down to her fist. Otherwise, no Cheerios, no bread, no bananas, no blueberries, no corn, no peas. Nothing goes from her hands to her mouth.

Well, just not food. Cars, blocks, balls, books, magazines, remote controls, cell phones, cordless house phones, cookware, cooking utensils and any other inanimate non-food item finds its way into her two-toothed mouth.

On a normal day, Toodles wakes at 7, JD at 7:30am. She'll take down a bottle, play, then we'll have breakfast all together. That takes us to 8 or 8:15. Then I have to clean up breakfast. Unload the dishwasher from last night, dirty dishes into the dishwasher, clean the high chair, sweep the floor, wipe off the coutertops, put the milk and any other perishables back into the refrigerator. That's around 15 minutes. By now, Toodles has dumped out her small bowl of kitchen toys, played with them, and has moved down the hall to the living room where JD has managed to turn on CNBC or NHL on the Fly. She begins playing with some alphabet blocks, then pulls out some action figures, then decides that the books on the shelf are in entirely the wrong order and must be pulled down, two at a time. The magazines on the coffee table are far too old and the only way to get me to throw them out is to dismember them and drool on them, making them illegible. She'll finally make her way to the basket housing the changing materials and take out several diapers in an obvious attempt to show that one is badly needed, not that the scent couldn't be traced down the hall. But if I don't put JD on the potty, then he'll either soil himself or the living room carpet. And he certainly can't be left alone on the toilet, so I spend 10 minutes in there reading to him. Toodles may or may not stay with us, but by this time there is little more damage she can do elsewhere. By this time, it is either time for her nap or time for a shower. Not to mention routine things like garbage, laundry, dry cleaning, packing the diaper bag for whatever outing, making the grocery list and coordinating that with coupons, taking out something to defrost for dinner . . .

Nine-and-a-half months. Just wait till she can walk and decides to negotiate the 30 stairs that separate the 2nd floor from the basement. I don't think the gates will stop this one. I can see it now: JD and Toodles escaping to the 2nd floor and dropping things from the balcony on to my unsuspecting head.

Then again, I was folding laundry this afternoon and what did she do but crawl up and on me with a big smile and sit in my lap playing with a pair of mommy's socks.

P.S. Don't Fly With Kids

2010-01-31T14:01:00.000-08:00

They were good. Well, as good as one can expect from a 3-year-old and an 8-month-old. Only about an hour each of real whining and sleep each way.

Hey, some people have much worse circumstances. I'm not complaining.

But don't fly with kids. Seriously, it sucks.

Not that you have a choice, mind you. Excuse me, not that I have a choice. Wife hates road trips. She gets car sick easily and can't do anything except to stare straight ahead and listen to top-40 music (from the 80s to present.) I love road trips. My philosophy is that if I can drive there within 8 hours, I'm driving. F the airport and the airplane. Wife wins.

As I mentioned in Trippin Out, Wife's maternal Grandmother (last surviving grandparent between us) lives in Ft Lauderdale, FL. According to Google Maps, it would be around 1400 miles and 22 hours of driving. I figure I could do it in 2 days, maybe 3. Wife would have no part of that and it would probably suck with 2 little one like we have. If they were 10 and 8 or even 6 and 4, I could handle that. But a baby screaming for an hour on an airplane would probably seem like Mozart compared to 6 or more hours of screaming in the car. I digress.

From parking the car, pulling the car seats (I'm too cheap to rent car seats there), getting through security (having to put the stroller through the x-ray machine, then they test the water in the baby's bottles for vapors), and waiting to board, it can be a real challenge.

Oh, then doing it all over again when you get off the plane.

Then doing it all again when you return home.

But I love my family (yes, I call my wife's family my family). I love Grandma Syl. We had an amazing time. Perhaps I'll write about the actual vacation soon.

But I'm having some family issues that I'll probably share soon.

Trippin' Out

2010-01-20T20:44:00.000-08:00

To Florida we will go . . .

Ft Lauderdale, Florida, that is. Wife's Grandmother is turning 96 this year. (How cliche, a Grandmother in Florida. Yes, we're Jewish. What's cliche in Yiddish?) Wife's parents will be married 45 years this month. Or next month. Yikes, I don't know their anniversary date. Well, it's the years that count, not the date, right?

We're going not only with Wife's Parents, but with her older sister, Tante, and younger sister 'Susie'. Susie and her husband (I don't have a name for him yet) have two kids, JR, a 5-year-old girl and Pee-Wee, a 14-month-old boy. We are renting a house on North Atlantic Boulevard, literally across the street from the Atlantic Ocean. Thursday - Tuesday. Totally psyched.

You know what I'd forgotten about? How much it costs to travel. Forget the airfare. Let me see if I can list the things I've purchased for this trip: sunscreen, bathing suits, UV shirts, shorts, sun dress, magazines, snacks, headphones, luggage (including a Diego carry-on with wheels for JD - it was immensely cute seeing him pull it all excited through Target), and DVDs. I think I racked up enough for another plane ticket. And we haven't gotten there yet.

Not available in Chicago at Target in January are swim diapers. At least not the Target on Elston Ave. I mean, what if I still belonged to East Bank and was taking Toodles and JD for swim lessons? I'm sure they'll be available in Florida. I miss East Bank but not the $285 + everything per month it cost to 'belong'.

Like I was saying, we've rented a house. Comparably priced to getting hotel rooms, if not cheaper, and we'll save big money on groceries instead of eating out every meal. Well, that is if I'm not cooking every meal. And the likelihood is that I'll be cooking. Let's be honest - if you've got a gourmet in the house, why not? And I'm the Kitchen Nazi as my buddy Smooch called me when we lived at 3823 N Clark. I can't stand watching other people cook. They don't have proper technique and . . . I could go on. So if someone else is cooking, I have to go far far away or I'll be really annoying and over their shoulder and giving unsolicited advice. Maybe I'll just grab a beer and sit out by the pool.

I'll let you know what happened and post some pictures of my wicked hot bod. Or maybe just the kids doing sill stuff.

Oh, Wife and I have a question: is the intensity of the February Ft Lauderdale sun comparable to June or July Chicago sun, more intense, or less intense? Thanks!

Another Giveaway!

2010-01-14T06:06:00.000-08:00

My friend, Couponing for 4, has another giveaway! Win a Glee Season 1 soundtrack.

In case you're new here, Couponing is a great way to save money by using coupons, advertising, and patience (as well as a lot of astute shoppers) to get the best deals on everything from groceries to household items to over-the-counter pharmaceuticals. Couponing for 4 claims to have saved and made over $10,000 between coupon deals, sweepstakes winnings, and focus groups.

Getting a Head Start

2010-01-14T05:28:00.000-08:00

For months, I've aspired to get up as early as my wife, or at least get up as she's leaving. With the latter, I'm going to work when she's going to work. Let's not forget: when a homemaker wakes up, he or she is at work and doesn't get off work until bedtime. And is on call overnight. But I digress.

For the last couple of days, I have been getting up extra early. What are the advantages?

Wife wakes up around 5am. Or at least gets up from bed. (Sometimes she's up in the middle of the night thinking about work, other times she doesn't wake up until she's had 'her coffee'.) She's out the door by 5:30 or 5:45. That's when she wakes me up.

I have a hard time waking up, but I am a morning person. Doesn't that seem contradictory? But it's true; once I'm up, I'm up with full energy. Coffee is not one of my staples, but an occasional luxury. But waking up, getting up; very difficult.

So I get up anytime between 6 and 7.

Back to the advantages of getting up early. My kids wake up anytime between 7 and 8, but usually after 7:30. Here are my goals for that time:
-unload the dishwasher / wipe down the kitchen (if it wasn't done the night before)
-load the washing machine
-plan & defrost dinner
-coordinate my shopping list
-make a schedule for the day
-online work: check email, blog, pay bills, audit credit cards and bank accounts
-make a bottle for Toodles, cut up fruit for the day for her

I could easily go on and on, but those are the most common things I try to accomplish. Certainly not all of them!

So on the days I get up at 6, I get a lot done. 7, not so much.

I have to develop the fear. I believe that's what gets people like Wife up in the morning. They fear staying asleep. They fear missing work, forgetting a project, being late. I don't have that unless I'm going on a trip. Then it's just fun. Maybe that's what I need to do - plan something fun first thing. I'll try that.

I'll make a deal with myself. If I wake up by 6am, I get to play a game of NHL 10 or golf. If not, then I don't. But then again, if I miss that deadline, then I'll just say F-it and keep sleeping because I missed my opportunity. Hmmm... gonna have to think about this one.

3rd Birthday!

2010-01-12T09:41:00.000-08:00

We've kept him alive.

That's what I joked when JD turned 1. Then 2. We've made it.

We have been struck neither by life-threatening illness nor by mortal injury. He's had fevers and his feet burned. He's accumulated scrapes, bumps, and bruises. He's driven me to the point of insanity and forgetting my sense of right-and-wrong.

But we've worked through it all.

JD is 3!

When he and Toodles woke up, I went in and asked, "What do you want to eat?" to which he replied, "Doughnuts." "Well, I don't have doughnuts, but how about pancakes?" "Doughnuts and pancakes!" Sigh.

So I changed Toodles, then JD and I took a shower because I couldn't remember the last time he took one; 45 minutes later, we were out the door.

To Jewel for the doughnut (Dunkin' is just a bit closer, but doughnuts at Jewel are only $0.59.

Then we walked to Sam & George's Restaurant and had pancakes and bacon, his favorite breakfast. We are regulars there, so they know us. When he was done, they gave him a little ice cream sundae with a candle and sang "Happy Birthday."

Now my babysitter is here and I should be writing this during nap instead of wasting valuable babysitting time!

What to do when the kids go to school...

2010-01-11T15:54:00.001-08:00

Thinking about what I'm going to do, professionally, when the kids are both in school full-time has been on my mind for a while.

For a long time, I've wondered what I could do to bring in an extra $1000 per month to the house. I figured that, even if I was a fast-food manager, I could make around $40k per year, working 40-50 hours per week. So couldn't I make $12k per year working from home, putting in 15-20 hours per week?

But the reality is that employers want some structure to their workforce and I can't provide that. As a homemaker, what are the hours that I could put into a job?

I figure I could put in at least 1-2 hours per day in the afternoon while the kids are napping. I could get up early and put in another hour before they wake up. I could put in an hour after they go to bed. So, conservatively, that's 12-15 hours before infringing on my weekend time.

What I've learned about being a work-from-home professional is that you have to have some entrepreneurial drive. For us homemakers, that probably means a home-based business.

What about consulting? I don't have enough professional experience to be much of a consultant. I'm an expert EA Sports NHL series video game player. I've got a BA in Creative Writing with a minor in Business Administration. I've got some Spanish. My most developed non-video-game-related hobby is cooking. But I have no interest in cooking in a restaurant.

Since graduating, I've waited tables, have been a line cook, tire and wheel sales, and managed the garage at an auto service center.

But I've also done a couple of other things that have interested me. One is investing. The other is business writing.

Part of my homemaking duties is to watch the money. For our IRA & 401k accounts, we have a professional financial adviser. He is great. But I'm not the kind of person who will just hand over money and let things happen. I've educated myself on investing terminology and strategy so that I can understand why he's making certain moves.

Since then, though, I've started making some investments. Some went well, some tanked. What I have learned, though, is that I love researching companies. (It was when I didn't do the research that I got my butt handed to me.) So I'd like to learn more about investing and finance. Not only to invest for myself, but perhaps to help others do so.

Occasionally, my brother sends me letter for editing. Sometimes they deal with the hockey team he coaches, other times they are for business. I have found the I like business writing. Sales and marketing have always been interests of mine, but have not pursued them with focus. I enjoy learning about the business and the project for which it is intended. To properly write something like that, you have to do what attorneys call 'discovery'. You have to learn about the company, not just about project. It's interesting and fun.

Since I have a degree in writing, a writing career would require less training. Both writing and finance would require a great deal of entrepreneurial drive. I would be able to start writing sooner. Finance has a greater potential for income.

I'll let you know if I decide on one or the other.

Kid Updates

2010-01-11T07:13:00.000-08:00

Toodles is 8 months and JD will be 3 tomorrow!

Wow, how time goes crazy when you're not looking.

Toodles is a great joy to us. At 8 months, her favorite things are finger walking, playing with action figures and blocks, and eating real food. I don't recall whether I blogged about this, but at about 10 weeks or so, she was creeping, as much as 10 or 12 feet at a time. I think that stopped when she got too big to push herself easily. Or it became boring for her. She is doing it again, moving to get toys she wants or to face her mother, brother, or me.

At the table, she went from pureed baby food to finger food in less than six weeks. As soon as I started giving her Cheerios she was hooked. Back to pureed carrots, squash, and peaches. No way! So I've had to change my routine to having various veggies and fruits ready to go. This becomes challenging in two ways. First, having the things on hand while keeping a variety. Second, the time it takes to prepare. I went from pre-packaged food to having to cut everything, every time. Green beans, grapes, banana, avocado, nectarine, blueberries, carrots, zucchini . . . But in the end, when I'm putting a piece of food up to her mouth and she attacks my fingers gums first, well it's all worth it!

JD is a typical 3-year-old. He loves attention and misbehaves when it doesn't come his way. He knows his ABC's, single digits, and his way around the keyboard. We used Fisher-Price's website to help teach him the alphabet. This morning, I asked him to find each animal, from Alligator to Zebra, and he got the letter on either the first or second try. I've learned that counting to 10 every time there's a countdown is bad. Now, he only knows to count to ten. When I'm being extra-conscious, I will count to 7 or to 13 or any other variation. The next step will be to count to 100 by tens.

JD continues to love playing hockey, but his sports repertoire includes soccer, bowling, golf, and baseball. When I take the time to figure out posting video, I'll show you. He's a big boy, too - when asked what size clothes to buy him for his birthday, I'm telling people 5T shirts and 4T pants. Crazy! He sill loves playing peek-a-boo, though in more sophisticated and high-energy ways. Some of those include the beginnings of hide-and-seek, while others are more like meteors colliding. He also loves when I throw him in the air (we get about 2 - 3 feet of separation, much to my wife's dismay) and wrestling.

When we take the time to read and write, he's made his first intelligible drawing and, for a while, was obsessed with drawing people riding skateboards. I don't understand why, but he would always tell Wife or me, "Draw Mommy riding skateboard. Draw Uncle Matt riding skateboard," etc. He would try, too. Markers over crayons, unfortunately, is the preference. He loves reading, though we have inadvertently made it a bedtime thing, not an anytime thing. He's memorized about 15 books, including Dino Hockey by Lisa Wheeler and Barry Gott, Too Many Toys by David Shannon, Green Eggs and Ham by Dr Seuss, Thump, Quack, Moo, Click, Clack Moo, and Giggle Giggle Quack by Doreen Cronin and Betsy Lewin.

The kids are great and give me great, big headaches. Well, I don't get headaches, but if I did, they would be great big ones! But when they wake up and are talking to each other (JD talks, Toodles coos) it's so sweet, I forget about the nagging, the crying, and the messes and can only think of hugs, kisses, and laughter.

The Best Couponing Blog On the Web!

2009-11-20T14:42:00.000-08:00

Want to win a $50 nfl.com gift card? How awesome would that be? Just follow this link to my friend Couponing for 4 and follow the directions. It couldn't be easier! Also, read the blog to find out the many ways you can save money and even make some cash on the side. Fun and informative. What else could a person want? :)

Windshield Nightmare

2009-10-13T21:13:00.001-07:00

It started off a good day. I had gone to bed early. Got up to the sound of Wife taking a shower, around 5:15am. Went downstairs, made coffee, started planning my day. Kissed Wife good-bye at 5:45am.

Then the phone rings 10 minutes later. Sobbing. "I've been in an accident." My mind flashes white. Adrenaline pumping. Mind racing.

Are you OK?

Yes. I think so.

What happened?

Something flew into my windshield. I'm stopped on the side of the road. I don't know what to do.

Neither did I. Two kids, sound asleep upstairs. A wife on the side of the road at 6am.

She'd called 911. They told her to move from the left shoulder to the right. Fortunately, there was little traffic, or a little traffic as you get near downtown Chicago. This happened in the Southbound lanes of the Kennedy expressway between North and Division.

I'll cut to the chase. Another car had changed lanes in front of her. Not dangerously or anything. A moment later, something flew up and lodged into the dead center of her windshield. A metal grate about 5 feet long by 1 foot wide.

A state trooper helped guide her to the next exit and wrote up an accident report. I ordered a cab for her. She was home by 6:30 or 7. When Toodles woke up, I took her to see the car for myself and take some pictures.

That's when I got scared.

I was sick. All I could think about is what if . . . what if . . . one more inch; 5 MPH faster . . .

I called a glass place we used when I worked for my family business. Majestic Auto Glass went to the scene, changed out the windshield, and did an admirable job vacuuming the glass. It still needed to be detailed, but it was good. It was ready by 11am. The same day.

But a car wash and a new windshield do not erase memories.

I have, on occasion, thought about my Wife's and my mortality. The sadness. The utter sadness I would feel if she were gone. Frankly, I don't know what I would do.

We have safeguards in place, but I mean, what would I do without her?

At least I know that, for now, I can go upstairs and watch her sleep. I could go into JD and Toodle's room and watch them sleep. The night is wonderfully peaceful.

No Posts Lately

2009-10-13T21:06:00.000-07:00

If anyone actually reads this blog, I haven't been blogging for two reasons.

First, my laptop died. Rather, the motherboard died. It would cost over $600 to replace that and the inverter on the screen. (The inverter is the cheap/easy part.) I could get a new laptop for that price, but mine has a 17" screen and I like that. So I'm being picky. Sue me. 17" monitors from Lenovo start around $1200 (apparently their hardware is the best quality as opposed to HP which is what failed me after 2.5 years.)

Second, I've become addicted to World Golf Tour or wgt.com. It's an online golf game that has an international community. So much fun. If you go on, I'm Grissomwoods.

Yes, I have a desktop in my basement. Blogging is not as easy down here. When I'm on this computer, it's either in the middle of the day when I am trying to check email & stocks in between loads of laundry and checking on whatever is on the stove or in the oven or tending to a kid who is not napping like they are supposed to. At night, I like to play golf.

Fortunately, this isn't a job, or I'd have been fired a long time ago.

Find A Friend

2009-09-21T13:50:00.000-07:00

I just got off the phone with a friend. We were on for over an hour. Over that time, we were able to share some of our personal current events. Most of it was bad stuff, things that haven't been so great lately.

This blog entry is to tell you 1) how good it felt to talk to someone, to have them confide in me and to confide in her and 2) to be able to do so with a person I know I can trust.

I can trust and confide in Wife, but I can't talk about her with her! (I love you Honeys).

It's better than therapy because you get to hear about their good and bad as well as share your own. Not everyone has such a person. I believe that is because so many people are afraid of sharing themselves; sharing their bad as well as their good.

Being an at-home parent is very lonely. The best part of the job is the job security - there is no threat of being fired. Otherwise, it is as grueling a workday as any other job (if you're dedicated) and with very little peer contact.

Having a person with whom you can talk on a deep level every now and again is imperative.

And not a person with whom you gossip or be caddy. Those friends have their purpose. But think about it: if that person's nature is to gossip or to be caddy, do you really want to share seriously personal issues? Perhaps you do have a person that can be both, but . . .

So find a friend. Not a person on whom you can spill all of your problems. If you sense that something is wrong, you'll ask. For instance, you ask, "How are you?" and you are looking at them and they say, "Oh, fine," but you know they're not fine, you ask what's going on. And then you shut up. You only say oh or jeez or I see. And when you're the one with the bad day, they'll know when and how to ask you and how to listen.

Hopefully you can find one, because no matter how bad things are, you'll feel a little better after you're done.

Homemaker's Tip

2009-09-14T05:17:00.000-07:00

Don't waste your junk mail and misprints.

When paper has a blank back side, cut it into quarters for scratch paper. Great for grocery lists, notes, etc.

I think it also helps with security, not allowing sensitive papers and information to go without being destroyed.

With the amount of junk we get, we'll never need to buy paper again!

2009-09-10T05:00:00.001-07:00

As JD and Toodles become older and more massive, I've been wondering about the safety regulations for child seats. (Toodles just had her 4 month checkup - 16 lbs 10 oz / 26.5 inches tall.)

This is the NHTSA website. The following was copy-and-pasted (or copied-and-paste?) from the NHTSA website.

Infants - from birth to at least 1 year old and at least 20 pounds
For the best possible protection keep infants in the back seat, in rear-facing child safety seats, as long as possible up to the height or weight limit of the particular seat. At a minimum, keep infants rear-facing until a minimum of age 1 and at least 20 pounds.

Toddlers - Age 1 & 20 lbs to Age 4 & 40 lbs
When children outgrow their rear-facing seats (at a minimum age 1 and at least 20 pounds) they should ride in forward-facing child safety seats, in the back seat, until they reach the upper weight or height limit of the particular seat (usually around age 4 and 40 pounds).

Children - from about age 4 to at least age 8
Once children outgrow their forward-facing seats (usually around age 4 and 40 pounds), they should ride in booster seats, in the back seat, until the vehicle seat belts fit properly. Seat belts fit properly when the lap belt lays across the upper thighs and the shoulder belt fits across the chest (usually at age 8 or when they are 4’9” tall).

Tweens - age 8 and older
When children outgrow their booster seats, (usually at age 8 or when they are 4’9” tall) they can use the adult seat belt in the back seat, if it fits properly (lap belt lays across the upper thighs and the shoulder belt fits across the chest).

With toodles growing at her rate, if she hits 20 lbs before she turns 1, I'm turning the thing around. Her feet are already kicking the back of the seat and she HATES riding in the car. I think it's because she's staring at a seat back. I'm sure there are things I can buy to entertain her, but I'd like her to look out upon the world. Call me crazy.

JD, meanwhile, is nearing 35 lbs quickly and will be 3 in January. He can put his foot on his sister's face and regularly marks up the back of my chair. I figure, when she's ready for the forward-facing seat, he'll move to a booster.

Good News, Bad News

2009-08-27T17:21:00.000-07:00

The good news. JD naturally throws a spiral when he throws a football.

The bad news: he also throws books, cars, cups, balls in the house, puzzle pieces . . .

He'd better become a professional athlete of some kind.

The In-A-Pinch Meal

2009-08-18T14:58:00.000-07:00

I was planning on making my Mexican meal of the week tonight when Wife called to tell me she's so sorry but her meeting was catered with Mexican food. Of course, she didn't find this out until after I'd gone shopping, so now I have to come up with dinner with the food in the house.

This happens all the time, but not her fault.

These days, I'm trying to use fresh food while still maintaining a budget. I found that I can get ground beef at just above the Costco price and in small quantities from the butcher counter at Jewel (the price fluctuates . . .) and at Strack and Van Til. So I bought some ground beef Friday for burgers on Saturday but ended up at Uncle Julio's Hacienda for lunch (soooo good.)

What to do with the ground beef?

So I was planning on making beef enchiladas tonight but that was foiled.

My next thought was meat lasagna. I looked up recipes on the Food Network website but they all required a couple of ingredients that I didn't have and a prep/cook time that wouldn't work.

The problem with having championship sleepers is that once I'm home from shopping, there's no going back. I'm not complaining, I'm just saying.

Well, I had also defrosted chicken for half the enchiladas. Marinaded, grilled chicken.

There were potatoes in the pantry that I've been neglecting. That would be the complex item on the menu - twice baked potatoes.

Finally, I'll steam some broccoli in the microwave and add a small side salad.

When cooking, remember to start with a clean kitchen. Then start with the items that have the longest cooking duration. In this case, the potatoes required the longest cook time. In a pinch, I do make baked potatoes in the microwave. And I've heard that the microwave is more energy efficient than the oven. Wash and pierce the potatoes and put them on the microwave-safe plate and into the box. My microwave has an automatic potato baking setting, but you can probably do around 8 minutes on high, adding 2-3 minutes for each additional potato. They're done when they're pierced with a fork without resistance.

Pound the breasts to an even thickness, around 1/4 inch, and marinade in balsamic vinaigrette (or dressing of your choice). When pounding chicken, I first rinse the chicken, then dry in paper towel. Having put a sheet of plastic wrap on the counter, place chicken with the smooth side up. Then another sheet of plastic wrap over the chicken. Easy cleanup, no salmonella. Use tongs for handling the chicken and the dirty plastic wrap. Chicken into a Ziploc bag. Pour marinade over till just covering chicken. Get as much air out of the bag as possible upon sealing, swish around to spread marinade, put into a plastic bowl to protect accidental leakage, and into the fridge.

Chop up lettuce, rinse and dry with a salad spinner, put into a bowl. Garnish with other veggies you like. Wife likes carrots, and I had a bag of baby carrots that I've been using slowly but surely. Combine in a salad bowl, cover with plastic wrap, into the fridge.

The potatoes were done in the microwave, tested for tenderness with a fork (should go in and out easily when pierced through the middle.) Cut lengthwise through the short side. Scoop the insides into a bowl, leaving a nice border to maintain the skin as a bowl. Today for 2 potatoes, I used about 1/4c caramelized onions chopped, 2-3T plain yogurt, 1T unsalted butter, 2T grated parmasiano reggiano, about 1/4t kosher salt, 1/4t black pepper (all measurements are estimated, as they were done by sight). Stir till smooth. Adjust seasonings to taste; add yogurt for a smoother texture. Fill the skins with the creamy potatoes. (I didn't do this, but you could probably use this trick to make the potatoes look fancy: make the potato mixture extra creamy, cool down, put into a baggie and cut off the tip to make like an icing dispenser to squeeze into the skins. Fancy!) Skins onto a broiler pan, cover loosely with foil, and let them sit. Considering the ingredients, I would be comfortable with their room-temp exposure for 60-90 minutes.

The chicken takes about 20 minutes total to cook. 5-10 minutes to preheat the GAS grill, 5-6 minutes on the front side, 4-5 minutes on the back side. Because you've pounded them, they'll cook evenly.

While the grill is heating, go to the oven and put the top oven grate to the second from the top slot and preheat the broiler, take the salad out of the fridge, and the frozen veggies out of the freezer. Put the veggies into your microwave steam dish and the remaining veggies from the bag back into the freezer. Toss the salad with dressing then divide onto plates or just divide the dry salad.

By this time, the grill will be ready. Adjust the heat from high to medium high. Put the chicken on, smooth side down, and close the lid. Go inside and put the potatoes on the broiler pan into the oven. Then set the table.

After flipping the chicken, turn on the microwave to steam the veggies. Check the potatoes. You want them golden, not burned! Check the chicken. Plate the salad.

After taking the chicken off the grill, allow the chicken to rest for five minutes before serving. Drain the veggies and plate. Plate the potato. Plate the chicken. Dinner time!

Keys to the In-A-Pinch Meal. Make sure things that take the longest time go first. This includes cooking time as well as marinading. If something will take 2 hours to marinade, you don't want to first put something in the oven that only takes an hour. Salad can be made any time that day. Marinading can be done overnight. If you do marinade overnight and you don't use the meat the next day, just pour out the marinade and put back into the same bag. Otherwise, you run the risk of over-marinading. In a pinch, being creative can be fun, but may not make sense. I could have (and probably should have) made baked potatoes. But they sure were yummy!

Taco Night

2009-08-12T06:11:00.000-07:00

Taco night - Tuesday night.

The tip I'll focus on in this blog entry is how and what to make in advance.

Wife usually comes home around 6:00 these days, so I'd like to have dinner on the table, ideally, around 6:10 or 6:15. Though I'm not perfect at that, I'm getting better. The major barriers to that are having the kids awake. Fortunately, yesterday they took rock-star naps, so I was able to have almost everything ready to go.

To successfully make food well in advance of the meal, you have to think about what you're making, even if it means making a list. You have to consider if things have to go into the oven and what things will keep well versus having to serve right from the stove/oven/grill.

Sauces, side dishes, and garnish are usually the best to make in advance. For taco night, my side dishes included Rice-a-Roni Mexican Rice and homemade refried beans. I would also prepare the garnish: chopped lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, sour cream, cebollas y cilantro (onions with cilantro and jalapenos), and salsa.

The garnish is almost all out-of-the-jar, so it can be done intermittently while cooking the beans and the rice.

Since I'd never made refried beans before, I decided to tackle that first. It turns out, it was very easy. The recipe used was out of Mexican family favorites Cook Book by Maria Teresa Bermudez (2004 Golden West Publishers). I used a 16oz can of pinto beans, 1 T vegetable oil, 1 clove of garlic, 1 T chopped onion, and 1 pinch of salt, while keeping a reserve of water in a measuring cup to put into the beans in small doses to thin and puree the beans. Overall, about 5 minutes of prep (10 if you don't have onion chopped in your refrigerator already), 10 minutes of hands-on cooking, and 5 minutes hands-off cooking.

The Mexican Rice was easy, as it was Rice-a-Roni. Nothing complicated about that. 2 minutes of prep, 5 minutes hands-on cooking, 15-20 minutes hands-off cooking. I added about 1/4 c. each of frozen corn and frozen peas after 15 minutes of covered simmering (I know that 1/4 c. is a palmfull.)

While the rice was cooking, I made the cebollas y cilantro by taking about 1/4 c. chopped onion, about a 1T pinch of fresh cilantro, and about 1 t. diced japalenos out of the jar. (By the way, I bought Mt. Olive jalapenos and was pissed to find that they'd put Yellow #5 in there. I mean, really, do they need to enhance the color of jalapenos? Hopefully, my liver won't hate me...) Chopped the onion into finer pieces, minced the cilantro, and combined them with the jalapenos in a small serving dish.
Then I chopped, rinsed, and salad-spun iceberg lettuce.
Next was dicing the 1/4 tomato I had left over from the other day. (By the way, if you don't know the RIGHT way to dice an onion - and most other round fruit and vegetables - you must learn. It will save you time and make you more confident as a cook. And, yes, there is a RIGHT WAY.)
Put about 1/4 c. shredded cheddar and sour cream in serving dishes. Put back into the fridge.

I did all of that at around 3pm. When the beans and rice were done, I just left them on the stove with the stove off. They're not meat or dairy, so they won't go bad after just a couple of hours. Covering them is not a bad idea to keep them moist and ease re-heating.

At 5:30, Wife called to say she was leaving. I started the meat. Today, just ground beef, though getting skirt steak from the Mexican grocery store would be preferred. The ground beef took about 15 minutes to make. Unfortunately, Toodles woke up during the most delicate time, simmering the meat in water and seasoning. It was on a couple of minutes long resulting in dryness. Still edible.

When I could, I reheated the rice, beans, and beef. Then I set the table. Having already plated the garnish made everything easier - rather than having to scoop things into dishes, then put them on the table, I just set everything on to the table. Tortillas were placed into a tortilla warmer and into the microwave on High for 1 minute. The reheated main dishes and sides were put on serving dishes and onto the table.

What could have been done better? When Toodles woke up, I should have turned the heat under the meat waaaay down and that would have slowed the cooking process. I also should have used more water in the beans. Otherwise, pretty good all around.

Remember, the key to this was knowing what could be done ahead of time. Say your kids aren't rock-star nappers like mine and there's no way you'll have 2-3 hours in one shot. You can do the rice in the morning during nap. Remember: you only have about 5 minutes of actual work for that, then it simmers covered on low heat for 15-20 minutes, then you take it off the heat to let it cool, stir it up, put it in the fridge. The beans only took about 15 minutes and I'm sure there's a cartoon that the kid(s) watch at some point. You can put sour cream, cheese, and whatever other garnishes on a plate while making lunch, throw some plastic wrap over and back into the fridge. The meat takes all of 10 minutes, about 5 of which are letting it cook by itself and that can be done just before serving. Planning is the key to success.

Chicken, pita, hummus, etc

2009-08-10T21:11:00.000-07:00

Tonight was Greek night. I made:
-Greek viniagrette (homemade - Food Network, Ina Garten)
-b/s chicken breasts marinaded in greek vinagrette (b/s chicken breasts $2.49 @ Jewel till 8/12)
-hummus (homemade - Joy of Cooking)
-tzatziki (homemade - Joy)
-salad w/ Greek viniagrette
-Garnish - Thomas' Sahara whole wheat pita, diced: tomatoes, cucumbers, fresh mozzarella.

Overall, it was tasty.
The highlights:

Greek Viniagrette. Red wine, oregano, salt, pepper, garlic, salt, pepper, olive oil. A key to making any type of viniagrette (a solution of vinegar and oil) is to wisk the vinegar and seasonings first, then add the oil s-l-o-w-l-y from a measuring cub while whisking. Make two batches. You'll notice a difference. Wife said that it needed a stronger vinegar presence and less oregano, though it was good.

Greek Chicken.
The chicken was pounded to appx 1/2" and marinaded for about 2 hours. Grilled out doors.
Pounding the chicken does 2 things:
1) makes it more tender
2) makes the thickness consistent, allowing for consistent doneness throughout the meat.
Chicken can be marinaded as long as 2 days or as soon as 5 minutes. The type of marinade you use and the desired taste will vary the time. Ex. A salty marinade is best done in less time. To allow longer time, add water or another liquid filler to dilute.
Preheated the grill on high till it was appx 475 degrees. DON'T GREASE THE GRATES!
Put the chicken on SMOOTH SIDE DOWN.
Close the grill, turn down to MED-HIGH. Cook appx 4-7 minutes per side. DON'T TOUCH THE CHICKEN AFTER PUTTING IT ON! You'll know it's ready to turn when some white, fatty liquid appears on top of the chicken and it easily separates from the grates. ONLY TURN ONCE.

Here are some things that need some work.
Hummus. Needs to be made 1-2 days earlier than I want to use it. When I've just made it, the tahini and lemon flavors overwhelm the dish. Perhaps I could use less of both. While Joy's recipe says to use 1-16oz can of chick peas, 1/3 c. lemon juice, 3 T tahini, I should first blend the beans, then add some salt and garlic, then add the lemon juice and tahini 1 T at a time and then taste. The Jewish-Egyptian mother of a neighbor suggested using some olive oil. That might add some good flavor as well as smooth it out.

Tzatziki. The recipe calls for diced cucumber. I think it would be better grated, as in dill sauce. Also, it called for 1 T. ea of dill and mint. Probably could have gone 1-2 t. of mint, though I like dill. More garlic.

Pita. I used the tortilla warmer lined with waxed paper to warm the pitas in the microwave. While it made them and kept them warm, it also made the top and bottom ones a bit gummy on the exposed sides. Next time I'll warm them in the oven or on the grill, then put them in linen in the warmer.

Feta cheese. Needed it.

Overall, a good and healthy meal.

This week's menu

2009-08-10T12:25:00.000-07:00

Monday: mediterranean night
Tuesday: tacos
Wednesday: tri-salads
Thursday: at Aunt Debi's
Friday: who knows?

Mediterranean night. Chicken marinaded in greek vinagrette. Pita. Hummus. Garnish.

Taco night. Ground beef tacos seasoned with McCormick taco seasoning (purchased in bulk @ Costco.) Rice-a-Roni Mexican rice. La Preferida refried beans. Corn tortillas. Garnish.

Tri-salads. Tuna salad, chicken salad, bow-tie pasta salad.

I'll let you know how it goes.

ebay

2009-08-06T20:32:00.000-07:00

I just sold most of my old Avent baby bottles on Ebay. We purchased the new, BPA-free bottles for Toodles, so we had no need for the old ones.

What do I care if some other kid gets sick? At least I got $19 back on my investment!

Does sarcasm come through over blog?

A Load a Day

2009-07-30T05:18:00.000-07:00

I was just thinking of something: our family generates the equivalent of a load of laundry per day.

Three to five pairs of pants. Three to five pairs of socks. Two to five pairs of underwear. Three to five t-shirts. During the summer, one to three polo, button-down, or jersey-type shirts. During the winter, add sweaters and sweatshirts, not to mention layers. And we're not necessarily considering pajamas, bath towels, sheets, or kitchen towels. That's just one day.

Of course, I can't actually do that load of laundry per day because of separations.

I've talked about laundry and I'll do it again.

Separating by color, by weight, by wash cycle type, and by whether the clothes are machine dried or hang dried. Add to that my conservation attitude toward water usage and laundry can be a big headache.

Somehow, I actually enjoy it. Perhaps it's the system that has been put in place. I think I'm good at it. Who's proud to be good at laundry?

Yet I look at the clothes and think I'm doing a great job. Our closet space is maximized. Our clothes aren't wrinkled and I minimize our dry-cleaning expenditures.

One of the ways I keep myself going is by telling myself that every dollar I save our family is my income. Although I haven't added it up, I think I'm still in poverty. But at least it's a living.

Twice the Fun

2009-07-29T11:59:00.000-07:00

On my third day on my own with both JD and Toodles, I can safely say it's about what I expected. That is, expect the unexpected.

Expect JD to have a perfect morning yesterday, just to spoil it just before his naptime. How did he do that? After eating his lunch like such a good boy! I let him go play in the living room while I cleaned the kitchen.

Of course, just a couple minutes later, I hear Toodles, who had been sleeping, wake up with a wicked scream. I run into the living room where she is sleeping in her port-a-crib. In the crib, next to her head, is the empty can of tuna from making tuna melts for lunch. Needless to say, I was not pleased.

Then there are the awesome moments where JD is playing nicely with Toodles. Or he gets a great review from his speech therapist. Or Toodles gives me a big smile when I pick her up from her nap or while changing a big, wet diaper.

The balancing act, to me, is a matter of will power. It's the will to let the kids do their own thing with limited supervision. What do I mean?
While in the backyard, I put Toodles on a blanket and let JD do his own thing while I mowed and raked the lawn.
While we're in the basement, I let JD play with blocks while Toodles is *shock* on a blanket while I change loads of laundry.

Sometimes Toodles is crying, sometimes not. But if I want to get things done, they simply have to get done.

I've said before that one of the perks of being the at-home Dad is that I don't have the hormonal attachment to the kids so that when they cry, I don't have a chemical/hormonal reaction. I don't like hearing them cry, but I'm willing to trade five minutes of crying for lunch/dinner, laundry, or a few minutes with Oprah. Yeah, right. I am proud to say we haven't watched one minute of TV during the day.

Where do we go from here? Making sure I'm as focused on their development as I am on their nutrition. Making sure we have more fun together than doing chores. Making sure our outings are not all dedicated to shopping. I think if I can do that, to make sure I'm thinking of them and not just us, we'll be a happy family.

1st Trip to the ER

2009-06-25T20:33:00.001-07:00

A day at the pool ended up at the hospital, but not in a way one might think.

After doing the things that you do with a toddler at a pool, we sat down in the concessions area to eat our snack.

Slight tangent: I am appalled at the number of Moms who feel it's okay to disregard not only signs, but public health and cleanliness by allowing their kids to eat and drink by the water, not in the eating area! I saw torn up string cheese under one chair with the wrapper next to it, and others eating bags of food. Hopefully, these kids will become more socially conscious than their mothers.

Back to the snack. So our social consciousness backfired. After getting his fill, JD started playing with his cousin, running and jumping around. Part of the picnic area is the housing for the pool's mechanicals. It is an elevated cement platform that is roughly 18 inches tall, 6 feet wide, and 15 feet long. JD and his cousin climbed on it and were jumping around. Harmless.

JD was not wearing shoes and his cousin was. Cousin jumped on what looked like a metal grate and JD followed suit. As soon as JD jumped on it, he let out a scream. I thought he was scared but my wife felt his pain.

It was not a grate, but a metal plate that is the door to the pump or one of the pumps. It is flat with some dimples and faces directly upward so that it has 100% sun exposure. After JD went on my wife, I felt it and sure enough, it was super hot, probably a couple hundred degrees.

My wife went to run water on his feet, but he was screaming and screaming. I saw him a few minutes later and his left foot had already blistered and popped so that the underlayer was exposed. Time to go to the hospital.

We ended up in an ambulance which I thought was overkill at the time but probably made sense, as it would not have been easy to drive rationally with a screaming child in the back, though I'm sure I could have done it.

We were at the hospital for a couple of hours. They were all nice and, of course, sympathetic to this little boy in so much pain. I don't think I'd ever held him for so long and he never felt heavy.

The hard part was holding him when they examined and dressed the wounds. He's got tree-trunk legs and it took all of my strength to hold him steady while not hurting him.

To sum up his injuries, he has 2nd degree burns on his left foot, 1st degree burns on his right foot and right hand (he sat down and probably put his hand down briefly when he jumped on the plate.)

Worst of all is trying to keep him off of his feet. Imagine yourself not being able to put pressure on the bottoms of your feet. Now try doing that with a 2-year-old.

The good news is that he is not in visible pain. That is, with the help of Tylenol-2. I'll try to update; we have a trip to the Loyola burn center tomorrow. What a fun outing!

Siblings

2009-06-11T01:15:00.000-07:00

My wife was not sure whether she wanted a second child. I think the thing that made her want to do so was when I asked her if she could imagine life without her sisters.

The first week two that Toodles was home, JD, for the most part, ignored her. As he has come to terms that she is not going anywhere, he has warmed up to her and then some.

He first began trying to play with her while I put her on her small play mat for tummy-time. JD would come over and play with the trinkets on the soft poles that arch over the mat. Then he began to point to her body and identify eyes, nose, mouth, ears (though I have to make sure he keeps his fingers out of those places!) Then he would pat her head and her belly. Finally, he asked to hold her, so I had him sit on my lap and then brought her on top of his.

My favorite moment so far was the other day in the car. I looked in my mirror and saw JD's hand in her car seat. He was looking down at her. Though I couldn't see inside her rear-facing car seat, I think that he was holding her hand while she slept.

A Greater Sense of Now

2009-06-11T00:40:00.000-07:00

A quick catch-up on the last 5 weeks: we brought #2 (to be referred to as "Toodles") home from the hospital. She's doing great. My wife and I are tired but trying to avoid being cranky. A shout out to the many people who have helped us one way or another. Especially my Mom who stayed with JD for 4 days while we were in the hospital and then 2 more days after our return home. Now that she is gone, I don't have extra hands to cook, clean, give attention to JD, pay bills, etc etc.

And that is where I find myself. Looking out at my kitchen, which was never consistently spotless, I see what the addition of a second child has done. Dishes and counter-tops are found clean less and less often or with greater and greater piles.

While JD still sleeps 2-3 hours in the afternoon, I find that I only have about 30-90 minutes to accomplish things.

The good news is that my wife and I are learning to share responsibilities. As she heals from c-sect surgery, she is more able to take on chores. One problem I face is relinquishing the control over how the chores are done. If she takes on, say, kitchen duty, as in cleaning up counters, etc. I can't expect her to do it to my specifications. In a perfect world, she's going to ask me how I want it done because in seven weeks' time it will all fall back to me. But that is a lot to expect. Just be happy they get clean! I tell myself.

The many many things I was able to accomplish consistently have become a list from which I have to choose. Do laundry or download, organize, and email pictures. Cook from scratch (or semi-homemade) or help JD with oral motor exercises. Tend to the lawn and flowers or sleep. Change Toodles' diaper or shower.

But maybe they're not choices I have to make, but rather a list or a routine that needs to be reorganized. That is the optimist talking. Nevermind that I am the type of person that tries to pack 25 hours of activity into 24 hours, leaving time for neither inefficiency nor error (of which many are made).

Remembering back to my adjustment to having JD, I believe it took around three months to establish a routine. Then I could make small adjustments whenever his schedule changed.

And that's what we've been doing - waiting for a routine to emerge.

Waiting for a routine to emerge will be death, so to speak. If the routine creates itself, it will be chaos. There is a way to create a structure, be it rigid or loose, by which we can guide our days rather than letting our days guide us. That was good for summer vacations when the most I had to do was wake-and-bake, but those days are long gone.

I am not the only one who needs the reassurance of structure. JD is happier when he knows what's coming. My wife certainly is a person to whom uncertainty is an unwelcome guest.

When I mentioned creating a schedule she said that the idea was thoughtful, but could I really follow a schedule? The answer: not to a T, but having some structure is a much needed step away from the chaos that has begun to take over.

Long Time No Post???

2009-05-07T04:49:00.001-07:00

I can't believe it's been over a month since my last post!

To anyone who checks in regularly, my apologies. However, the last month has kept my mind and body elsewhere. Specifically, the impending birth of our baby girl.

The birth of a new baby requires very little. A bassinet, diapers, blankets, and clothes. Of course, it is the peripherals that make the list long.

How about a double stroller? We went with the Bob. I haven't used it other than a test drive in a store, but it seems top notch.

Window treatments, crib bedding, and pacifier sanitizing. Washing all of the new clothes and blankets. Making room for a new person's belongings. Adjusting the way our seasonal clothes are stored.

Making lists, checking them twice.

And how about JD who's being naughty and nice?

Volatile! That's all I have to say. His sweet, fun-loving self for most of the day, but emotions getting up and down.

I am convinced that the coming of the new baby has set his sensors into code red. He can tell things are changing. We are buying things for someone else. Neither for me nor for Mommy nor for JD. He hated Wife's belly, though he understood, to the best of a 2-year-old's ability, that there was a baby inside.

And Wife was home more often. In the last two months, she probably averaged one day off per two weeks and began coming home before he would wake from his afternoon nap. This probably caused some of the most stress, as he didn't know when he could and couldn't expect her to be around. Follow that with her 'intruding' on our routine and nutritional patterns. It would be enough to make anyone's head spin. Or, at least, make one's emotions unstable. And we're dealign with a 2-year-old.

And wife was having a harder time sleeping which meant my computer time was cut down by more than an hour per day. It used to be, I would put JD to bed around 8:30pm, then sit with Wife for another hour before she'd be asleep, then I'd go do some cleanup and then some computer fun.

Finally, my computer is in the basement, which limits the amount of access I have to writing when I have thoughts. My next move is to check the availability of putting another modem in the kitchen so I don't have to go down there every time I want to write or check something.

Transitions

2009-03-30T20:03:00.001-07:00

If you've read some entries from my blog, you know that I don't brag on my child all that much. While JD is a terrific kid, he's got plenty of moments that make my eyes shoot fire and steam come out of my ears.

Right now, I'd like to brag on my kid.

JD is a championship sleeper. He slept five hours in the hospital the second night we were there and had to be awoken by the nurses for a feeding. He was sleeping through the night around six or eight weeks and, with a handful of exceptions that all include sickness, has never turned back.

He has also been exceptional with respect to major transitions. He took a pacifier in the hospital after he was born and took it until he was just over eleven months. The doctor said to take it away, so I did. No problems whatsoever. Giving up bottles in favor of sippy cups? Forget about it. Going from two naps per day to one? (And he still takes a three hour nap every afternoon.)

Need him to get up a little early? No problem. Keep him up late? No meltdowns. Put him down a little early? That's about the only challenge unless I run him around sufficiently. As long as he has some milk, a couple of stories, and his puppy, he's good to go.

But all of that, I feel, pales in comparison to the transition he seems to have quickly mastered. That was going from his crib to his full sized bed.

Actually, it's a twin-over-full bunk bed. Being only two-years-two-months-old, he's only in the full bed and has no access to the top bunk which does not yet have a mattress.

It's the transition we heard was important to make before his sister is born in five weeks from tomorrow (3/31). Though she won't be in her crib until she's sleeping through the night consistently, we wanted to ensure that JD didn't feel as though he was giving his crib up for the baby.

So we purchased the bed and had it delivered and put together. He was immediately excited. The three of us went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to outfit it with sheets, pillowcases, and a comforter. The next day, JD and I went to Costco to purchase pillows, including a body pillow and some decorative throw pillows. This way, he would have padding all around. We didn't know what to expect, but we didn't want him to have the option of slamming into something. (By the way, the one drawback of bunk beds is making the bed. What a pain! That, and hitting your head.)

Finally, we had a countdown. Okay, JD, three more days until you sleep in your bed! Two days! etc.

Then came Friday afternoon. The big moment. we didn't want to wait until nighttime - limit the chance of having a sleepless night.

JD and I climbed into the bed together. I was prepared to read a bunch of books and lay there with him until he fell asleep. That didn't work. Just like trying to get him to sleep with us in our own bed, it didn't work. It was play time. After forty-five minutes, I got up. JD got up with me and I picked him up and asked him, Crib or bed? Bed, he replied. So into bed I put him, kissed him, then walked out and closed the door.

The next fifteen minutes reminded me how hard sleep training is.

So I lied a little bit about the ease of the transition. There was one rough spot.

For fifteen minutes he screamed bloody murder. Oh, and that comment I just made about sleep training? While at just a few months, your baby is still an infant and vulnerable and fragile, this is a toddler with lungs and a vocabulary. Daddy! Daddy! I want Daddy! Hello? Hello? I want open please! Come in, please! He used every word he could muster to try to get me to come get him. I had to hide in the basement and work on a project so that I could divert my attention. But still, the monitor lights were bright red and as low as I'd set the volume so I could just hear him, he was still quite audible. Daddy! Daddy! Crying so hard. It was hard not to, myself.

I decided a few minutes into his hysterics that I would wait fifteen minutes and then go up, put him into bed, then walk back out.

Just as that fifteen minute mark came up, I suddenly heard silence. I looked into the video monitor but didn't see him in bed. I decided to wait a little longer. A couple of minutes later, I heard some rustling. He was crawling into bed. I turned on the monitor to see him sitting in bed, whimpering to catch his breath, and clutching his blue puppy. Another few minutes and he was out.

The next couple of naps were tough, too, but not like that. Tonight, I read the standard two books while he sipped some milk, then I kissed him good night and, just before I turned off the reading light, he lay down holding puppy.

He was tired and happy to be in bed.

Project Management

2009-03-23T18:12:00.001-07:00

Have you ever found yourself starting projects that never seem to get finished? Welcome to my world.

It seems that every day I think of something new to do, some project that I or my household cannot live without. Whether it's putting our seasonal or non-maternity clothes into Space Bags, reorganizing the laundry room, starting a new story idea, organizing the office, hanging pictures, reading books, organizing the garage, doing the dishes, doing laundry, checking account balances, auditing statements, planning the week's meals with a coordinated shopping list, planning daily activities for JD, planning play dates for JD, or organizing family outings, I can't seem to get things finished after starting them.

One thing I've tried to do is to make a list of projects I'd like to start. It sort of works. I get to them eventually, but some don't get started as they fall down the priority list.

If they fall down the priority list, did they need to get started in the first place?

Of course they did! The clothes that were piling up in corners of the bedroom need to be stored. That way, when my wife gets back into shape, she can frown upon her old wardrobe and request that funds be earmarked for new clothes. The pot that has been soaking for four days after making chicken stock. Thinking about my family and that we haven't gotten together since the holidays. Looking at the papers piling up in the office and wondering how many bills are underneath that need to be paid today to avoid late charges. The next Great American Novel for which I have a tremendous concept, if only I could get some amphetamines and write for three weeks straight in Kerouac style.

The reality is that these things do all get accomplished. Necessity dictates it. There will be a time soon when we will expect to have guests, so I'll be forced to finish storing the clothes piled up in the guest bedroom. I will need the stockpot for a new batch of stock. The thought of giving money away to late fees makes my skin crawl. The novel . . . that will have to wait until I decide to give up several other hobbies or carry around a journal at all times so that I can jot down my ideas as they come to me.

I might not be the most organized person in the world, but if I had a dollar for all of my good intentions, I'd be a millionaire! And I do make some good chicken soup.

Positive Reinforcement

2009-03-19T05:14:00.000-07:00

My son as taken a liking to lollipops. Correction, a loving to them. Maybe it's just lust, but only time will tell. He asks for one every day, sometimes three or four times per day. It's an addiction.

He was introduced by his speech therapist. When used during a lesson; either by her, by my wife, or by me, it can be used to strengthen lips and cheeks as well as to promote greater oral awareness.

Of course, it can also be used for evil.

Or at least, a lot of whining.

Lollipop!

No buddy, it's time for breakfast.

I...I want lollipop, please.

Go sit in your chair, please.

LOLLIPOP!

And the saga continues. Several times per day.

I did use it the other day for positive reinforcement. Upon entering the house from playing outside, he promptly, and without prompting from me, sat down and took his shoes off.

I made a big deal out of it, gave him praise and hugs and kisses, then told him that he deserved a lollipop for doing such a good job taking his shoes off when he came inside.

Hopefully two things happen. First, he continues to take his shoes off as soon as he comes in the house. Second, that he doesn't expect a lollipop every time he does so.

The reality is that rewarding good behavior it touchy. I don't want to fall into the trap where behaving properly becomes a way to get things. They behave correctly because that's how one is supposed to behave.

Some of you are saying, Ha! Wishful thinking! Or other, more profane things.

But, to me, that's where parenting gets tough. But I only have one kid (until May 5^th) and he's only two-years-old. We'll see how long I last.

In the mean time, we'll see how the positive reinforcement works out.

I should also mention that it really does work for oral awareness and lip rounding. There are several exercises one can do and it is especially good when the parent and child each have one and use them in front of a mirror (expect him or her to ask to trade with you at some point - he or she will wonder if yours is more tasty.) If you are curious, just ask and I can send details about the exercises.

Sick Boy and Bedtime Moments

2009-03-05T06:03:00.001-08:00

Yesterday, JD woke up from his nap with a 102.3 fever.

He was crying and unhappy when he woke up. He took an exceptionally long nap - over 4 hours. He's a good sleeper, but that was long even for him. Sometimes when he wakes up and it's dark, he cries; I thought it was no different.

But when I picked him up, I could tell he was warm. He clung to me and I sat down in the glider next to his crib and rocked for a few minutes. Then he heard his mother in the next room and asked to be put down. After running to our room and jumping into bed with her, he snuggled up close and said, "Yo Gabba Gabba." He spent the next 30 minutes snuggled and silent.

The rest of the night went well. While they watched Gabba, I got some water and some Children's Tylenol (I didn't need a thermometer to tell me he had a fever.) He willingly took his medicine.

Then I went back and heated up a big bowl of chicken soup I'd made the other day. It had tomatoes, corn, garbanzo beans, mirepoix, egg noodles, and shredded soup chicken. When I brought it up, JD said, "Soup, please." How coould I resist? He ate broth, I ate 'stuff'. He was thrilled and kept eating and eating so we were thrilled.

He then came to the kitchen with me and ate two bags of dried apple chips, some animal crackers, and a glass of milk. There we were, JD and I, sitting on the floor in the kitchen. He had a small plastic bowl with animal crackers in his hands, his mouth stuffed. I was eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. His milk was in a small translucent red plasic glass, while I had milk in a rocks glass. It was a nice, comfortable silence.

He was as happy as I've ever seen him and he was burning up. It was quite the paradox.

When bedtime came, we went to his room and I read Click, Clack, Moo: Cows That Type for the fifteenth night in a row. Then I turned the light off and he turned toward me so that I would pick him up and set him face down on me. I reclined in the glider and there we were, sitting in the dark. He was laying on me with his arms around my shoulders, his chin nuzzled into my neck. Occasionally, as he has been doing lately, he would pick up his head and lean into my face like he's trying to make out with me, just to turn into my cheek so he can rub his soft cheek against the stubble on mine.

These are the moments when we forget about the discipline, the car throwing, the food flinging, the diaper-changing tantrums. These are the moments when I could care less about missing a hockey game; going out with the boys and drinking doesn't sound like fun. These times are the big bonus paychecks.

It's when I fall in love with being a Dad all over again.

New Territory - Bathing a Baby Girl

2009-03-05T05:49:00.000-08:00

Part of JD and my routine is to take a shower in the morning. It came about because he didn't transition from being bathed in a sink to a full-sized bathtub. I had purchased a stool for my wife to ease leg-shaving, as our shower is a stall, not inside a bathtub. JD stands on that stool and plays with tub paint (thanks Jay-Jay!)

I am able to wash myself first, then I turn to JD. He's generally a willing participant and doesn't mind the water coming down on him. He's even learned to enjoy it; I spy him with his back to the water, holding still with his head turned down slightly, letting the water hit his back.

JD gets washed as thoroughly as I wash myself, including his private parts. Penises and anuses need washing, too. Especially when they're subjected to sitting in their own excrement and feces for any length of time. Plus, crumbs, milk, and soup get down in there. Don't ask me how. It's no big deal, I just wash him as I would wash myself.

But now I'm going to have a daughter. Say what you will, but it's different. Frankly speaking, I don't have a vagina. I have only dealt with the vagina in a more intimate manner.

It's not that I fear it or anything, it's just an unknown. I've had plenty of practice on myself. Do I ask my wife to practice on her?

There are always unknowns when beginning something new. This is my new territory. Women probably have the same questions that men do in this respect. From a male's point of view, washing the penis seems rather simple - just don't get soap down the tip; it hurts. But for a woman, it's all inside, but some parts are more inside than others.

As usual, I'll talk to my wife, to playgroup moms, and read a book or two.

Then I'll get to the task and figure it out for myself.

The Coolest Guy in His World

2009-03-01T20:38:00.000-08:00

My wife said something quite special to me today. She said, “What's it like having someone think you're the coolest guy in the world?”

That was certainly a great compliment to me, that my son thinks so highly of me.

Maybe she's right. I'm not trying to appear modest; I simply don't think about my status in my son's eyes. As long as he loves and respects me, all is good in the world. Eating my cooking is nice, too.

The truth is, he does emulate my actions. He always wants to be with me. He is sad to see me leave and happy to see me return. He is angry when I have to divert attention from him at any time during the day (unless he's watching Yo Gabba Gabba. Since I'm a bleeding-heart hippie libertarian, I don't let the TV babysit.)

I can't make a pot of soup without him hitting my hip or butt to gain my attention.

We can make each other laugh and cry. If I wasn't so concerned with keeping a certain distance, I would say that we're best friends.

But that's how best friends think of each other. I also think he's the best kid in the world (like most parents). Does he drive me crazy with his stubbornness and his insanity? All the time. Do I make him crazy driving all over the place to go shopping every other day? I'm sure.

In spite of these exceptions we are grateful to have one another. We play hockey almost every day, if not every day. His new thing is asking me to play Wii – and he just sits and watches me play. He gets pissed when I say it's time to turn it off! (And I want to keep playing, but know the better of it.) We eat together at home and in restaurants.

I receive consistent compliments about him and consider that a success of our parenting.

To be the coolest guy in the world? It's the fruit of waking up in the morning.

Time Management

2009-02-26T14:20:00.000-08:00

There is not enough time in the day. Hard choices have to be made regarding time management.

It is time to stop going to the bathroom. That's right, I've given up peeing.

I made this decision about five minutes ago as I was unloading my dishwasher. I was thinking, man it's been a while since I wrote a blog. Then I realized that I had just been at my computer for 90 minutes reading. Auditing my bank statements, setting up recurring payments to avoid banking charges, reading and deleting email, reading about the Libertarian Party's ideas on current events, reading ways to conserve energy (unplug everything that's not in use,) and responding to Facebook status updates.

How can I do all of that and keep my house clean and poop? I say it can't be done.

So to the forces of nature, I've felt pressure before. Give it all you've got. Because I'm on a crusade to make the most of my time.

Consider the benefits: no more toilet paper. Reduced electric bill because I don't have to run the exhaust fan. Reduced water waste. Reduced pollution. I can even get another 2-300 square feet by knocking down the bathrooms. Oh, that won't work because I still need to shower. Can't cut that out. That would be disgusting.

Sports Authority Customer Service Continues...

2009-02-05T12:21:00.000-08:00

Just a quick update; this is the email I received in response  to my email.
I will continue to update as news breaks.


Dear Marc,


Thank you for contacting Customer Support at www.sportsauthority.com.

We are committed to providing superior customer service and want to
ensure your product/service needs are met.

We appreciate your patience as one of our Team Representatives reviews
your request and contacts you within the next 2-3 business days. Your
request number is 3510224.


If you have any further questions or concerns, please feel free to
contact us toll free at 1-888-801-9164 or reply to this email. For your
convenience, we are available 24 hours a day to assist you.

Please let us know if there is anything else we can do for you, and
thank you again for contacting Customer Support at
www.sportsauthority.com.


Sincerely,

Justin S.
Customer Service Representative
Customer Support at www.sportsauthority.com

If you have additional questions, please visit our online Help Desk.

Promise Fulfilment

2009-02-04T15:13:00.000-08:00

Okay, I guess it's my day to bitch and moan about things.

My receipt from my last visit to Sports Authority had a promotional stub that says, "Sign up and save! Go to sportsauthority.com/save and join our mailing list to save $25 off your next purchase of $100 or more."

I logged on and input my information. Upon my submitting my information, the website indicated that my coupon would come in my email. It arrived just a few moments later, but with a shocking addition.

"14-DAY COUPON"

Man was I pissed. Furthermore, the 14-day window started on Feb 1. Well, it's already Feb 4!

I sent an email via the 'contact us' portion of their website. We'll see what happens!

The following is the letter I wrote:

Upon making a purchase at a land-based store, I saw a stub for a
promotion where, upon submitting my email address, I would get $25 off
of my next purchase of $100 or more.

I logged onto the website, read the directions, and submitted the
requested information.

When I received the coupon in my email, I was taken aback by the
expiration date. It gave me a window of less than two weeks to make my
purchase and get the promised discount.

Nowhere on the stub of my receipt nor on the website submission form was
there a detail about the limited window of the promotion. The stub says,
"...off of your next purchase of $100 or more."

I would like you to send something to me saying that I do not have a
specific window and that you will uphold your initial promise of the
money off of my next purchase of $100 or more, whenever that may be.

A Complaint / Suggestion For Email Service Providers

2009-02-04T15:01:00.000-08:00

I want to be able to add a person to my Contacts / Address Book from an email.

Why isn't there a function that says "add sender to contacts"? It bothers me and makes my life that much more difficult.

Thanks for reading my rant.